[Looking4mybrain]

Hello all,

This is my first post here so bear with me if it gets a little long and doesn't flow well as my brain is not functioning properly at the moment. I am coming here because over the last 4-5 months I have been suffering from severe concentration, memory, and other related cognitive impairments.

First let me give you a little history. I am a 40 year old woman who was 1st diagnosed with anxiety and depression back in late 2011. When all of this began I was experiencing the normal symptoms of depression crying, insomnia, lack of pleasure, isolation, feeling like in a dream, and some minor concentration and memory problems. I was on and off medication for a few years, the longest being 4 months on zoloft which did help me return to a somewhat normal functioning. I stopped all meds in 2013 and attempted to handle my issues on my own. I was still having the concentration and memory issues, but I was able to function. I was doing ok until November 2014 when I had a major panic attack at work and it escalated from there to my now current condition:

I can not watch tv or a movie, read a book, or have an intelligent conversation because I am unable to follow the plot or subject. When people are talking sometimes it just sounds like they are speaking in a foreign language or something because I just can't grasp what it is they are talking about. I have to read and re-read things constantly because I look at the word and don't recognize it right away. Eventually the word does come to me and I know what it is. When having conversations it's like my mind get stuck and I can't express my thoughts verbally. I am always at a loss for words. This is very difficult for me as I am so used to being referred to as articulate and intelligent.

Confused and disorganized thinking. I feel very confused at times its like I can't get my thoughts in order to think out problems or make plans. I also get a general sense of confusion when doing normal everyday tasks such as washing dishes, putting on make-up, and how to prepare dinner.

My memory has failed me as well. I have a hard time recalling names, things I've done, places I've put things, conversations I've had, appointments, how to get to places I've been many times, routines on how to do simple everyday tasks etc. This makes daily life very difficult and makes me just want to shut down..

My spelling ability and handwriting have been affected as well. I used to be an excellent speller, and now I find myself struggling to spell basic words. My handwriting has gotten sloppy and it feels like when I write I have a hard time remembering letter formation in cursive so I find myself printing more often than using cursive or a mix or both.

I feel dizzy and off balance all of the time. Sometimes I feel really uncoordinated as well. I don't fall or anything like that, but I definitely feel unsteady at times.

My vision is always blurry and at times cloudy. I seem to have issues with focusing as well.

I have been experiencing very limited sleep over the last 6 months. I average about 3 hours a night if that. I also have mild sleep apnea and do use a cpap machine when I can sleep.

Constant anxiety and always on edge. I cannot relax and my mind is always going over and over all of the cognitive impairments I am having. I am constantly thinking that all of this is going to turn me into some vegetative idiot.

I have other symptoms as well, but can't really think of them all right now.

I have been to numerous doctors from my primary care physician, neurologists, cardiologists, rheumatologists, psychiatrists, and psychologists and they all determined after several tests including bloodwork and different mri's and ct-scans that there is nothing organic causing these symptoms.

My issue is accepting that these are in fact symptoms of anxiety and depression...can anyone help me understand this? Is this possible to have such a wide assortment of symptoms that are so severe and have really disabled me from having a normal life due to these disorders? Has anyone else experienced these symptoms? Did anything help relieve or improve these issues?

Any advice, comments, and suggestions are welcome!!

Sorry if this post is incoherent..I have such a hard time thinking clearly.

[Looking4mybrain]

Somebody please help..

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Yes, my cognition, always shaky, declines when anxious/depressed. I takes a break gets me thinking back on track, have some water, try again.

Dear Looking4,

What you've described sounds like it could be depression and anxiety-related, but it sounds more severe than what people usually report.

My advice would be:

Big number 1) - FIX THE SLEEP. Your doctors should be able to help you find some meds that will let you get some sleep. The kind of sleep deprivation that you're talking about is enough to cause extreme dysfunction. I have had success in the past with Ambien for sleep, and I now take Remeron/mirtazapine 7.5-15 mg at bedtime.

2) Food. I like this list by the mental health writer and activist Therese Borchard, of 10 Foods I Eat Every Day to beat depression. My list also includes oranges, Greek yogurt, and salmon. I try to keep things around that don't need cooking, so I can always have something healthy with protein and good fats that I can eat.

3) POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) - This is an autonomic nervous system dysfunction where blood pressure isn't controlled correctly when you are standing or when you are changing the position of your body. In severe cases, people faint. In milder cases, they feel weak and tired and get confused and often dizzy.

It takes a cardiologist to diagnose this definitively, but you can read about it a bit and get an idea if it sounds like something that you're having a problem with. Compression knee socks or stockings can help with it some. There are exercise programs to "retrain" your autonomic nervous system. There are also meds that are supposed to help, but results are mixed with the meds.

These suggestions that I've given you here are things that have helped me. I imagine you'll get other ideas from other members.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Looking4mybrain

Any advice, comments, and suggestions are welcome!!

Sorry if this post is incoherent..I have such a hard time thinking clearly.

Dear Looking4mybrain,

I'm not an M.D., but I have some suggestions and guesses.

1. The first thing I would to is to watch this video

This will give you an idea of the large variety of purely medical issues that could be causing brain problems. For instance, you could have a hidden infection or a vitamin deficiency or heavy metal toxicity or a gut problem. You can look up more materials at the Institute for Functional Medicine (part of the Cleveland Clinic). The video will also have some good news about the amazing ability of brains to recover if you treat them right.

2. That will give you a list of possible causes for your problem. I would then suggest taking this list to your primary doctor and ask him/her to summarize your situation, suggest a plan and ask about each of the possible causes that you have collected.

I think that jo_thorne has a good point. It's possible that sleep is really your main problem and if you could find a way to get a good night sleep, everything else would clear up. You have lots of symptoms, but it might be that just chronic stress is causing most of them. Chronic stress can really damage your brain's ability to function and can cause many if not all of the symptoms you're talking about (even including dizziness, for instance). You might be in a spiral where STRESS turns off your brain....causing you to be upset and scared....causing even more STRESS...causing your brain to turn off even more, etc. These are just guesses on my part. You need a good M.D. on your side to work on the problem together.

One more thing you might do, assuming you have the energy, is to try all the things that ease stress and improve your general health in parallel with this. I'm especially thinking about some form of meditation and some form of exercise (yoga is wonderful, IMHO). It's not going to hurt and you might hit upon something where you get a big improvement.

One other comment. Your writing is really good. That can't be a bad sign .

Keep in touch. - vital

[Looking4mybrain]

Originally Posted by jo_thorne

These suggestions that I've given you here are things that have helped me. I imagine you'll get other ideas from other members.

Thank you for replying.
I agree that poor sleep has definately affected my cognitive abilities. I just was prescribed Dalmane for sleep this past week. I've been sleeping a little longer. But still feel the same. As for the diet recommendation I will look into that. I've already seen a cardiologist and he couldn't find anything except for a mild case of costiochondritis. I always get so worried when people say it sounds so much more severe than what the "normal" symptoms of depression are, but at the same time I've been tested for everything under the sun..and nothing has been discovered.

[Looking4mybrain]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

Yes, my cognition, always shaky, declines when anxious/depressed. I takes a break gets me thinking back on track, have some water, try again.

Thank you...I wish mine was that simple.

[Looking4mybrain]

Originally Posted by vital

One other comment. Your writing is really good. That can't be a bad sign .

Keep in touch. - vital

Thank you for your response and suggestions. I have been tested for heavy metal, vitamin b and d, thyroid, autoimmune disease, diabetes, and every other possible cause of these symptoms. But my tests always come back normal. I've also had ct-scans, mri's, eeg's, and nerve testing. At this point the only thing doctors can come up with it depression and anxiety. I don't know where to go or what to do at this point...I feel like everyday I'm suffering in hell! I want this to end!

[notthisagain]

I experience some of the symptoms that you mentioned in your post, although they are not as severe. I can tell you that, yes, depression and anxiety can definitely cause cognitive issues. For me, I experience the panic attacks, racing heartbeat or chest pain, and it has affected my sleep and my cognitive abilities as well. I also have the racing thoughts. I understand how frustrating that it can be to have limitations when in the past you were fully-functioning.

The suggestions I make are just that. Everyone is different and I am by no means a doctor. You have already stated that you have been to numerous doctors and specialists and that they have ruled out any physical issue that is causing these symptoms. It's hard to accept that depression and anxiety can cause the symptoms that you are experiencing, but they certainly can. Having anxiety and depression is no less legit a condition than any other.

That being said, what I have had to do was limit my use of caffeine and alcohol. I've found that too much caffeine can trigger a panic attack and heart palpitations for me, and that alcohol, while it calmed me down, made me feel worse the next morning. Another thing to consider is that they are both diuretics, which can make you feel bad.

Another thing that I did was write all of the symptoms that I was experiencing and take them to my doctor. Maybe s/he can refer you to a good pdoc. They have way more experience than I do in giving a diagnosis and suggesting what you can do about it. Maybe even copy the post that you wrote and take that to the doctor. I know that, for myself, if I don't write it down that I'll forget to mention some of what I have been experiencing. In order to get the best help possible, your doctor will need to have the whole picture.

I also have a diary in which I write not only the things that are on my mind at any given time, but also when I am experiencing symptoms related to my anxiety and depression. That helps me to keep track of my triggers and also the frequency and severity of my symptoms. I also have a bulletin board for my doctors' appointments so that I don't get them mixed up and so that I have a reminder of when exactly I have them.

If you have a calendar or can make appointments on your phone, that my help. I input when my bills are due and when I have to go to my appointments just to help ease my mind. I've freaked out before wondering if I paid this or that bill, only to have already paid it.

These are some of the ways that I've had to deal with my anxiety and my racing thoughts.

Also, you mentioned trying to go it alone without using meds. Again, I am not a doctor, but there is no shame in needing meds to help you if need be. There are people with heart issues who take beta-blockers. There are diabetics that have to use insulin. No one looks down on those people for doing what they have to do. No one except you or your doctors even have to know that you take them. One of the issues that people (including myself) that have mental disorders is that we self-stigmatize, meaning that we feed into others' misconceptions about MI. That can cause people to suffer needlessly.

These are just some of the things that have helped me. Everyone is different. I hope that some of the things that I mentioned help you, too.

[Clara22]

Hi,
Thanks a lot for sharing. I experienced all your symptoms but the vision problems eventually. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in 2010, also I was already having chronic osteomyelitis, at that time undetected. Morning caffeine has been helpful to me. Stress is a great downer. Spending some time outside is a helper.

[spring2014]

hi,
I have anxiety and depression too. my therapist diagnosed me with anxiety and depression on her intake interview with me last year when I started counseling again for the third time in my life .also my therapist did a psychological evaluation on me too cuz she asked me if I want to have a psychological evaluation done .I told her yes cuz my family wanted done to me for ADD . when my therapist did the psychological evaluation and got the results back , there was no sign of ADD in my psychological evaluation but anxiety,depression and ptsd . yes depression can cause major cognitive impairment that can be linked to anxiety . anxiety and depression goes hand in hand together.





Diagnosis : Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistaril 2 25 mgs for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia

I have been tested for heavy metal, vitamin b and d, thyroid, autoimmune disease, diabetes, and every other possible cause of these symptoms. But my tests always come back normal.

After I read the above, I thought "Hmm, she sounds like she is convinced that her symptoms are being caused by depression and anxiety."

So I reread your initial post and saw that you wrote

My issue is accepting that these are in fact symptoms of anxiety and depression...can anyone help me understand this?

I can't help, because I don't agree that your symptoms sound like they are caused only by depression and anxiety. It's extremely unlikely that you've been tested for everything that could be causing your symptoms.

From what you've said, it doesn't sound like you've been tested for POTS or as if other forms of dysautonomia have been considered. It could be something rare like the vascular form of Ehler-Danlos. Or you could be developing an autoimmune condition that isn't yet detectable.

I had an autoimmune condition for at least four and maybe as long as seven years before it developed to the point where it was diagnosable.

I know going to doctors for testing and hearing that they haven't found anything gets really old.

I hope that you'll get some answers eventually.

For now, it's good that you're taking a new med that seems to be helping your sleep some.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Looking4mybrain

Thank you for your response and suggestions. I have been tested for heavy metal, vitamin b and d, thyroid, autoimmune disease, diabetes, and every other possible cause of these symptoms. But my tests always come back normal. I've also had ct-scans, mri's, eeg's, and nerve testing. At this point the only thing doctors can come up with it depression and anxiety. I don't know where to go or what to do at this point...I feel like everyday I'm suffering in hell! I want this to end!

Hi Looking4mybrain,

Have you been tested for unusual infections? Gut flora problems? Ever have Lyme disease? Omega 3 fat deficiency? Have you really been tested for Mercury and Lead? Both for methylated Mercury and metallic mercury? Do you have lots of mercury amalgam fillings? Have you ever lived near a Coal fired power plant? All these are possibilities that even I know about.

Overall, I still think that you should go to your M.D. and explain your concerns in detail. Go over everything from the beginning. I would bring the largest list of possibilities that you can find and see if your M.D. has checked. Remember, this is VERY important for your life. Don't be shy about pressing for clear answers. If your M.D. isn't making progress, I would ask for a second opinion or change your primary M.D. Don't be shy about doing that if you need to. It's a normal thing.

- vital

[Looking4mybrain]

Originally Posted by jo_thorne

After I read the above, I thought "Hmm, she sounds like she is convinced that her symptoms are being caused by depression and anxiety."

So I reread your initial post and saw that you wrote


I can't help, because I don't agree that your symptoms sound like they are caused only by depression and anxiety. It's extremely unlikely that you've been tested for everything that could be causing your symptoms.

From what you've said, it doesn't sound like you've been tested for POTS or as if other forms of dysautonomia have been considered. It could be something rare like the vascular form of Ehler-Danlos. Or you could be developing an autoimmune condition that isn't yet detectable.

I had an autoimmune condition for at least four and maybe as long as seven years before it developed to the point where it was diagnosable.

I know going to doctors for testing and hearing that they haven't found anything gets really old.

I hope that you'll get some answers eventually.

For now, it's good that you're taking a new med that seems to be helping your sleep some.

I agree i havent had every test there is, but I have seen a cardiologist and POTS was ruled out as I do not have a raise in my heartrate upon standing. I've also been tested for orthostatic hypertension which was dismissed as well. I am currently seeing a rheumatologist who has done some further blood work to exclude RA and Sjrogen's Syndrome. I do know I have anxiety and depression which did cause me minor cognitive impairment when it first started, but not to this degree. I also have minor sleep apnea and insomnia. I've been told by numerous doctors that all four of these conditions can definitely impair one's cognitive abilities. Basically what I am thinking is if anxiety and depression can cause someone to forget how to talk, walk, or worst of all make them kill themselves then I guess it is possible to have it cause this major cognitive impairment right? It does worry me though that you as well as others feel that they are not the cause of my impairments, yet I also talk to those who agree that it is. So I'm confused worse than what I already am on how to help myself get better. If it is depression and anxiety, OK I will take meds and do what ever it takes to get myself better. But if it's not what is the point of taking these meds if they are not going to help, and where do I go from here to try and determine what's going on?

[Looking4mybrain]

Originally Posted by vital

Hi Looking4mybrain,

Have you been tested for unusual infections? Gut flora problems? Ever have Lyme disease? Omega 3 fat deficiency? Have you really been tested for Mercury and Lead? Both for methylated Mercury and metallic mercury? Do you have lots of mercury amalgam fillings? Have you ever lived near a Coal fired power plant? All these are possibilities that even I know about.


- vital

To answer your questions:

Have you been tested for unusual infections? No
Gut flora problems? No
Ever have Lyme disease? No
Omega 3 fat deficiency? Yes
Have you really been tested for Mercury and Lead? Yes
Both for methylated Mercury and metallic mercury? Yes
Do you have lots of mercury amalgam fillings? I have some
Have you ever lived near a Coal fired power plant? No

At this point I've seen probably 20 doctors all of which cannot find anything organic. I don't know if seeing another doctor will produce anything different. I have discussed and presented all of the doctors I've seen with a list of my symptoms and they all attribute it to depression, anxiety, sleep apnea, and insomnia. I don't know what else to do...I guess I will just get to look forward to a life in a mental hospital in a wheelchair totally incapacitated if you are correct that there is something else causing this...or continue on the zoloft, klonopin, and dalmane I was just prescribed and hope for the best.

[pearlys]

Dear lookingformybrain,

I suffer from severe cognitive impairment since a while. Sometimes I think I have alzheimer or sth. In the past I thought of myself quite intelligent and I read quite a lot. Since a couple of years I hardly read, dont eatch TV and conversations I can follow but it costs me an enormous amount of energy. It must be the depression. I even tried stimulants like ritalin, dexamphetamine and wellbutrin. They dont work at all. So now Im just waiting till the anti depressants start to work.
Hope you will recover soon, take care.

[waggiedog]

Hello peeps. Yes, I have got to say that I too suffer, and I do mean SUFFER, a lot of the problems and symptoms you are going through. Depression and anxiety are behind all of these symptoms, I'm also Borderline Personality Disorder and that is responsible for issues. Right now I have a serious worry concerning loosing my home and I'm going through lethargy big time, all I ever seem to do is lay down and/or just hide away from other people. I can't keep a decent conversation going, I don't concentrate on anything and phyically my body is failing me (I'm 56). There too many things I'm forgetting and have forgotten from the recent past. In my case I don't think it's down to anything but depression and various eating disorders. However, don't feel so down on yourself because as you've read here, you're not the only one suffering these frustrating issues. Obviously you've had a lot of tests done already, so now I don't know what to say hunny, except keep coming to this site because you will receive a lot of support. Take care. Xxxx

But if it's not what is the point of taking these meds if they are not going to help, and where do I go from here to try and determine what's going on?

I know, it's extremely frustrating. Even if there is something else going on besides anxiety and depression, that doesn't mean that the meds won't help you at all, though.

I have a combination of anxiety and depression and three autoimmune or immune-mediated conditions and the psych meds that I take (Cymbalta, Remeron, clonazapem) help my medical conditions as well as my psychiatric ones.

If you have an undiagnosed medical condition, it usually (but not always) will get worse and eventually be diagnosable. Or medicine will change and start to recognize it.

My advice for now would be to be an aggressive advocate for meds or whatever it takes to get your sleep back to normal or close to normal, and to try to eat regular meals with protein at each meal.

There are lots of books and web sites out there about healthy eating for people with depression or autoimmune diseases if you want to check those out.

Aside from that, try to find a form of exercise that you can do. I like yoga a lot because it somehow (mysteriously) helps a lot of body functions to work better.

Be attentive to your body, note what's going on with it, and maybe work on acceptance of where you are right now healthwise. It sounds like a paradox, but it's possible to both be accepting of where you are right now but also to look for ways to improve your health or figure out what's going on with it. It's more a matter of focus and of how anxious you get about what's going on with your health.

If you can find a good primary care doctor who is supportive of you as a person, that is an enormous help. I was lucky enough to have one during those years before my health problems became diagnoseable.

He treated my symptoms and let me know that he thought that I was a reasonable person dealing with a difficult situation. He never made me feel like I was a hypochondriac or a bother.

I also am not trying to say that the only outcome for you is diagnosis of a serious chronic illness. I have known people in the situation that you're in whose health later improved greatly and they never really knew that had been the problem.

The situation that you're in makes a person aware of the limitations in our health care system. Instead of saying "this person has severely limiting symptoms and we must use all our tools to find out what's wrong and to treat her", we instead get caught up in the "best practices" model, where we're treated more as a member of a group and the question is "what's reasonable to test for with a person with these symptoms?"

That can be very frustrating to suspect that the answer to your problem is out there but that you're not being given access to it. On the positive side, it can protect you from "quackery".

[Shamrock76]

Everything you have said makes total sense to me although I couldn't have put it as eloquently as you have, so thanks. I hope we can help each other

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Looking4mybrain

Thank you...I wish mine was that simple.

I should have mentioned that I have a little help from Citalopram.

[Pretzel Logic]

Hi I am a 55 year old man having memory issues with depression, I have trouble remembering what is watched on Tv or conversations, I have no desire to see people or work even though I have been working some, I cannot find any comfort in anything and I dread when morning comes, I am afraid I am losing it. It is really scared. I hope you can find some peace.

Did anyone mention medication yet?

[pearlys]

Originally Posted by Pretzel Logic

Hi I am a 55 year old man having memory issues with depression, I have trouble remembering what is watched on Tv or conversations, I have no desire to see people or work even though I have been working some, I cannot find any comfort in anything and I dread when morning comes, I am afraid I am losing it. It is really scared. I hope you can find some peace.

Pretzel, hope you will find some comfort soon. Are you having therapy, are you on meds?
Take care

[pearlys]

Originally Posted by rcat

Did anyone mention medication yet?

I dont know. But I have read that it is not clear whether cognitive impairment, memory problems, concentration problems, are due to the underlying depression or due to the medication that is supposed to treat that depression.
When I was 20 years younger I considered myself quite "bright" and my memory was ok. After many depressions, substanse abuse, different meds, manic episodes, now I don't consider myself bright anymore. I have a huge brainfog and my memory is so-so although it is selective, sometimes I can remember trivial things and some not. Like Brat Pitt or Jack Nicholson. Why the *** do I remember those names now and at other times I don't remember them. This is not a joke by the way.