[dolphinlover8]

Does anyone know how to help someone who had been suffering from major depression for many years now? I don't have depression but I try to understand it the best I can. I want to do everything I possibly can to help but I'm not sure what to do. My dad has been suffering from depression and I feel like my family isn't putting in enough effort to help so if anything happens to him I feel like it will be partly my fault for not doing enough. I want to help the most that I possibly can but I don't know how to help someone in that situation. I'm there for him. I support him,try to calm him down, talk to him, try to get him to do more things to distract him,etc. I just feel like I could do more. For those of you that have/had depression,what helped you the most?

I've noticed asking me if I want to do something ahead of time will likely never result in any willingness or a date to do it. If on the other hand I am TOLD it is going to happen I will, albeit reluctantly, do it. And, ironically I will tend to enjoy myself.

For example I see my counsellors twice a week often in my own home. But, and I dread the call, they will sometimes call me as they are on the way over and warn me to get dressed because they are taking me out. Like I said I dread it but end up being glad they do it (they drag me to coffee or take me out shopping).

My father and son will do the same thing - we are "coming over to take you to lunch" a movie, etc.

But, given a choice to do something or be asked ahead of time chances are I will decline.

[dolphinlover8]

Thanks for replying. I like how you said that your counselors come to your house and that they take you out. I like that idea. I think it would be helpful if my dad had something like that.

[Fizzyo]

Hi dolphinlover,
It sounds as if you're doing an amazing job trying to support your Dad.
I have lived with depression for most of my adult life and severe depression the last two years.
The best things people have done for me is to treat me like a normal person and continue to involve me I things, while some have been able to listen and support me too. I don't like people to make a fuss if I cry or struggle with intense emotions while they are around, but an acknowledgment that I'm struggling and helping me to calm down if needed is something a few people can do. Sometimes I need people to make decisions for me, like when a friend took me for lunch on my birthday, I was unable to choose the restaurant (out of 2) and she had to decide for me, or what I wanted on the menu so I chose the same as her. The fact she wanted to spend time with me when I was such poor company still encourages me now when I remember it.
At other times when I can make decisions I appreciate the dignity of being allowed to. Sometimes my friends and family have to be something of a mind reader and don't always get it right, but that they don't give up on me remind me how important I am to them has helped me to stay safe.

The most important advice I can give you though is to remind you that although your Dad is ill, he is still responsible for his actions and YOU ARE NOT.

Possible trigger:

he chooses to harm himself in some way, deliberately or as a side effect of something else he does, it is his choice and you cannot ultimately control his behaviour, hard though that fact is to live with.

I want to encourage you to continue to be yourself, the caring person that you are, a human being who cannot get everything 'right' whatever that is, but loves him enough to try.

Sending all the warmth and encouragement I can, and appreciation for the support you are offering him. ❤️

[vital]

Originally Posted by dolphinlover8

Does anyone know how to help someone who had been suffering from major depression for many years now? I don't have depression but I try to understand it the best I can. I want to do everything I possibly can to help but I'm not sure what to do. My dad has been suffering from depression and I feel like my family isn't putting in enough effort to help so if anything happens to him I feel like it will be partly my fault for not doing enough. I want to help the most that I possibly can but I don't know how to help someone in that situation. I'm there for him. I support him,try to calm him down, talk to him, try to get him to do more things to distract him,etc. I just feel like I could do more. For those of you that have/had depression,what helped you the most?

Hi dophinlover8,

I also suffered with depression for many years before I figured out how it works and what to do about it. What helped me the most is in this thread

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

You might try showing it to your Dad.

for your whole family. - vital

[dolphinlover8]

Fizzyo- thanks for responding. I hope the best for you. My dad has also had depression his whole life too. It's just been a lot worse the last couple of years. I know what you mean when you say that you have a hard time making decisions because I experience that a lot with my dad.
Vital-thanks. I will look at the thread and hopefully it will help.