Tell me something please....

I agree - n you are right. I was not looking for sympathy or etc. I was just trying to explain as best I knew how what it is I have or have not been through. since I do not use a scale to measure pain, neither can I use a scale to measure emotional damage on. I simply try to deal with what I am given the best I know how - I am not always good at that. I have had to learn n grow like everyone else - n I still land flat on my face at times. I realize we cannot change the past n I do not try anymore though I will admit there was a time I did do just that. I have learned what the phrase "you cannot change others - only yourself" means, and I put it to use in my life as often as I can. There are still many times I wonder why God keeps me on this earth (yes - I told you I believed in an afterlife, now you know a bit of it), but I do not see myself attempting to end it on my own again simply because I no longer believe it will work unless it is truly the time you should go - if it isn't all you will accomplish is to hurt yourself, n trust me - that sux. As I said though I truly do not fear death either - there are times you could say I would welcome it but I would not bring it on - but as I said, my confusion comes because of my frustration of continuing to feel the sting of my mom's death even 29yrs later - i don't understand it truly. Death is a release from worry n pain n heartache n illness - so why do we, the ones left behind - rather than celebrating the fact the person no longer has those things, choose to think of all we no longer have because the person is no longer here - i can't resolve it in my mind or heart or psyche any other way so maybe if i can look at it this way i can resolve it - but first i need to understand why we dont do it in the first place. Does that make sense now?

I understand what you're saying. We just have different views. If death is welcome to that person due to pain or illness I'm okay with it. I can't celebrate it though. I don't see any evidence of a god or an afterlife do to me, death is the end. To me the death of person or a pet dear to me is a personal loss to me... that person or pet is gone forever. That's the sadness part. My selfish view. But death is also the loss of that person or pet is also their/its own loss and they/it may have wanted desperately to remain in this world. To me that's unjust and injustice is just about the worst thing in the world to me. That's the anger part. I think we understand each other on this.

Yep - I just wanted you ti understand my reason for asking