Self Esteem Issues

Why can't I ever believe people when they give me compliments?

Pretty much every day my husband tells me how beautiful I am, how nice I look, etc... but I very rarely ever *feel* beautiful. I know he means what he says, and I don't think he's lying to me just to make me feel better or to placate me... but I still don't feel beautiful even when he tells me I look beautiful.

Yesterday a coworker told me how nice I looked in my pretty blue sweater. This was totally unsolicited, I wasn't fishing for compliments - she just offered up the compliment to me out of the blue. So why couldn't I believe her? Why couldn't I feel like I looked nice? It's not like I think she's lying to me... I genuinely believe she thinks I looked nice, or she wouldn't have said anything. But I still can't seem to take the compliment and actually feel good about myself.

I hate depression. It seems to rob me of all my self esteem and confidence.

Anyone have any tips for believing people when they tell you nice things, actually being able to take them to heart, and feel good about one's self? Thanks.

It's because you aren't letting yourself see that person in the mirror. I can understand that. To offset my lack of confidence in looks, I learn a lot of new skills with electronics. That way I'll find my sense of worth in my actions and abilities.

Only advice I can give is that even though your mind is telling you they may be lying, let your heart be warmed by it anyways. Just remind yourself that even if they are lying they still said it to you. That counts for something!

You're a wonderful person, it can be hard to see that but don't give up. ^.^

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Achieving self worth is difficult for the Depressed. I have always felt a sense of guilt when anything good happens to me, even as little as a kind word or a compliment, I feel undeserving.

What you have to allow to break through is the fact that people are genuinely honest with their unsolicited words. With your husband it will run deeper than this, he will not love you just for your looks, but as a whole package of personality as well - no matter how undeserving you sometimes feel. You said yourself your colleague could have stayed silent were her opinion different. She chose to brighten your day with a nice word.

Try to make 'Thank you, I have… (positive statement), today' be your stock response, where the positive statement could be 'I'm doing my hair differently' or 'I just bought this top'. Eventually, your mind may start agreeing with your positive words and your feelings of self esteem will rise.

Dave.

I have a similar issue. I know that what I feel isn't necessarily fact. If I cant feel the way people say I am, like the compliments you get, I try to believe that this is their real opinion and they have the right to it. I then remind myself what other people's opinions are about me, whenever it's more positive than how I feel. Then I am able to remind myself
"______ thinks I'm (insert relevant quality)". This often has to do when my depression doesn't allow me to FEEL the positive.

Make any sense, if not, sorry. I hope you can get something from my rambling.

❤️

Hi,
I do not know about depression, although depression does affect our self-esteem, low self-esteem causes depression, so, who comes first? I think self-esteem is more related to our childhood and youth experiences. Maybe this article could be of your interest https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...nd-self-esteem

Honey should stick more than "flies" but it doesn't always seem to because of the negative messages (which are LIES) from abusers in childhood.

Your husband loves you - You're a wonderful person