[Perceptionist]

She drew me in after 11 months of neglecting me. She shared her life, like all was mending, she called, texted, and gave me a hug. Then after that week in March, her grandparents return from a trip and suddenly, I abandoned, worthless, ignored, and faded out.
She drew me in, I took the bait. Willing to take all the blame, willing to patiently wait. I walked in eggshells, knowing how desperate I was to be on your worry list. No steps, were light enough, I walked, holding my breath. I turned blue from all the distress. Your unaccountable for your actions, you waged a war against me, you tainted my soul, with your fabricated blows. Your agenda is full of your ego and your actions are writing your legacy. I unconditionally loved you. I love you true. It pains every ounce of my being to know I'm disposable to you. Worthless, unloved, day after day by you. You admit you have no reason, to explain your actions, with truth. You change your mind, like the everything is good. Your irrational and enabled, your alienated and living a fable. One day, maybe you'll see the damage you have left, but with all honesty, I can't promise anything anymore. Loving you unconditionally, has left me suffering. You alienated me, for the comfort of money. I'll forever be your mother, but that doesn't mean I'll let you keep doing this to me. I've enabled you to take my will, spark, inner glow. I've been here since for blow after blow. Lost sleep, week after week. My house is a decaying hole. No motivation, no desire to flow. Up all night, sleep through the day. I've really ignored how you have done me. I rationalized your actions. Looked for logic and reason, watched four seasons. I've lost everything that I thought I needent doubt. Now, I'm left with the feeling of having been turned inside out. I don't want to go on without you, you already have gone. I'm always the last to know and expected to be the bigger person, take the higher road, leave a place in my heart for you.... You've allowed my heart to bleed out, laying on floor. You've left my life in pieces, you obviously don't care. Is this a direct reflection on me? I've never seen anything like this, but having to live and feel it is the slowest death I've known. So for now, I hug pictures of you on my phone, crying away the midnight oil, my heart is losing its desire or will. I will never understand, I never ever will.

My daughter ran away from home to have no curfew, credit cards, date who she wanted, new Jeep, and other materialistic tokens from my horrible adopted parents. They have turned her against me, as unconditional love was free at my house but materialistic items had to be earned, curfew was 9pm, I had to meet her romantic interests, I was going to buy her her first car, she had to do chores to earn money and her phone was a privilege, not a right.

Since she has left she has said nothing but hurtful and fabricated lies and statements, then my adopted parents went away for a week in Feb of this year and she contacted me, stopped over, called me, texted me and as soon as they returned she became even more abusive and hurtful and hateful to me and towards me.. Her 17th birthday is in two weeks and I have missed out of most all of her high school and she has been brainwashed and manipulated. She admitted she began using drugs because she had more money than she needed and her peers hooked her up and she became a popular girl as she had money, cars, drugs, and no rules. I have to and have been trying to let go and let God and my pastor at my older church (started a new church this summer as my old one was almost two hours away and service was at 9am and if I needed spiritual counseling, I was 4 hours in the car. It was too much. My new church is 20 minutes away and wonderful.)
I am constantly battling medical issues, anxiety and exacerbated depression more than my

Possible trigger:

horrific childhood and unsafe adoption.

I begged for therapy and have had a few therapists in the past 1.5 years but they either transfer, move, their religious beliefs contradict mine, or their therapy was less than helpful.
I just started with a women I have worked with off and on for the past 6 years and it seems optimistic that she finally had a client move and a slot open and I was next on her extensive waitlist. She takes my insurance but can only see me biweekly until another client leaves. I will take twice a month with someone who knows me as more than the next client on their schedule.

I came here hoping to perhaps build a safe online place for the inbetween times and the times when the abuse and pain, and grief need support.

[Linus VanPelt]

Hi, Perceptionist. I'm honestly so sorry for what's happening between you and your daughter. I wish I could say something that you haven't probably heard a hundred times already. Life is really tough enough as it is but, when you have the psychological issues that we do and your family doesn't stand behind you or, worse, abandons you, it becomes unbearable. The one thing we can't give up on is ourselves. Sometimes, the only thing we can rely on is ourselves. Take the strength and love you receive from God into your heart and mind and know, with that, you could never be alone. He put you here for a reason and it wasn't to suffer. Don't throw away His gift to you or waste it. Look past the pain and suffering and discover what you can do to honor this gift. Maybe work with the people in your church that could use your help. Give your life new meaning. But never give up the fight and know that you're not alone. My prayers are with you.

[Fizzyo]

Hi perceptionist,

Welcome to PC. I'm sorry you have so much struggle and pain. This is a great place to learn and share. There will be people here who have experienced similar issues to yours and will understand. The more active you are, the more likely they are to find you.

People here have helped me through some dark times and I hope you get as much encouragement from this community as I have. ❤️

[gayleggg]

I'm glad you came to PC. It's a very supportive community.

I'm sorry you've gone through so much. I can't imagine the pain you must feel over the loss of your relationship with your daughter. I send my sympathy.

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[Perceptionist]

I am so lost I just wanna leave this Earth.

[Linus VanPelt]

I know that feeling very well. But, it's the worst possible answer to your problems. You can try other things to turn your life around to a happier, more tolerable place. Some things will work while others won't. You can try to build new relationships with people, either in the church community or with a support group. Some may become friends while others may not be so nice. These things can be tried, retried, and tried with different methods. But, once you "check out", that's it. It's final. No take backs. No way to change your mind. I hope you'll try every other possible means to help yourself improve your life and, if you still want to leave, please talk to those who have either tried it or to people close to those who succeeded. It's more of a nightmare than anything else to everyone involved.

[Fizzyo]

I'm sorry Perceptionist. Your daughter sounds quite young - and obviously swayed by the opportunity for the good life. One day she will realize her life is empty. I warn you it will be later than sooner but her sense ought to come to her.