[sadstar]

Lately this question has been repeating in my mind: "Why aren't I better yet?"
I've been depressed and suicidal for the last 9 years now... I've been put on medications. I've met people who love and care about me. I've fallen in love...
but...
I'm still depressed. I still wake up wishing I hadn't. I still stare off in the distance and wish I could just die. I still hurt myself. I still feel like I'm drowning.
It's been 9 years, and the only reason I'm still here is because I don't want to hurt the people I care about... My only reason for living is so I don't hurt others... and that's no enough for me. I, so desperately want, so desperately need... to be my reason to live. I want to live for myself and love life, but this mindset doesn't help.
I still don't want to live... and I'm tired of trying and waiting to get better...

[StillIntending]

You sound a lot like me, although I've only had this struggle for about a year now, personally. Truth be told, I don't know. I don't know why either of us can't be better yet. I don't know what other people find so good about this world that they would live for themselves and not for the sake of those they love. But think of how many people do. How many people hold onto life, claiming it has value. That many people couldn't possibly have no real point, right? That many people couldn't be wrong. There must be some reason. We just haven't found it yet. I have to believe that someday, we will.
I'm praying for you right now, sadstar, and I hope you find some peace tonight.

[stewartmays1]

depression can last for years and years some people never truly get well its a scary thourght for sure the only thing i find that really helps is working out and keeping active

Sadstar, welcome to PC. Depression plagues over half of the population. Due to the times we live in, things are so different that often our minds cannot keep up with the acceleration in technology and the ever changing society's value of things. Get grounded, find something around you to be thankful for. Start a gratitude journal, open it up and write 3 things every day that you are grateful for. Look at all the blessings that you have that others do not. Play soothing music in the background, instrumental that will comfort you and make you relax. Think positive things, and gratitude does that. Music helps with ones thoughts as well. And mostly, I pray to God to give me the strength to find joy in life and want to live it again. I hope this helps. you are not alone. We all have bad days and then good days. It is do we want to get better, and do we focus on those things that help us to do so? Don't give up, tc

[Semi-depressed]

If a child came to you and told you they were depressed what would you say to them? This is what needs to be said to yourself. It is hard and we judge ourselves, and we might feel unworthy. We love others but do not love ourselves.

Talk to yourself out loud or in a journal (not in your head). Tell yourself what you would tell that child.

You are good enough. You have enough. You are enough. You are strong. You are now, not your past or future. You are loved.

Sent from my Nexus 6 using Tapatalk

[eskielover]

Was there something that happened 9 years ago that started the depression or was it just a feeling that came over you? Sometimes there can be something underlying the good that is still bothering us that isn't resolved.

Also many women feel depression from hormone issues not just the lack of serotonin issues. Pre-menopause reacts that way for some women also. For me I knew I was having marriage problems but was with nice family & nice husband so no one bothered to see how negatively ALL their dysfunction was causing me to react....I didn't see it either. I didn't just have thoughts of suicide.....but no one understood why....I figured it out almost 20 years later when finally living alone & after parents died. They loved & were kind but the stress from living all my life around dysfunction especially the 33 years of marriage took its toll.

So many variables can cause that feeling of depression it's hard to pin point the real cause & sometimes it's many things together that are the cause. Don't loose hope. At the age of 62.... I am glad that none of my close call attempts were successful...& living alone on my beautiful farm even with the problems....I have days when I don't function well & goof off but I'm really loving life more than ever before in my life....there is hope

Try supplementing with EPA omega3 fish oil at 1800 mg/ day. I know that helped me tho I no longer take it....it made a huge difference. When living in Calif I had a pdoc into alternative treatments....that was his suggestion & it helped at the same time I left the marriage & moved 2100 miles away to a place where I didn't know anyone & got a chance to start life over....most wonderful experience for me.

You will find your solution...have patience because the wait will be worth it

[JustTvTroping]

Originally Posted by sadstar

Lately this question has been repeating in my mind: "Why aren't I better yet?"
I've been depressed and suicidal for the last 9 years now... I've been put on medications. I've met people who love and care about me. I've fallen in love...
but...
I'm still depressed. I still wake up wishing I hadn't. I still stare off in the distance and wish I could just die. I still hurt myself. I still feel like I'm drowning.
It's been 9 years, and the only reason I'm still here is because I don't want to hurt the people I care about... My only reason for living is so I don't hurt others... and that's no enough for me. I, so desperately want, so desperately need... to be my reason to live. I want to live for myself and love life, but this mindset doesn't help.
I still don't want to live... and I'm tired of trying and waiting to get better...

You sound a lot like me, except I have a different reason for living (music, books, movies, videogames, etc. It's a neverending thing, so I can just stall for time). It's been 7-8 years and I'm too scared to get therapy (I'm not used to being vulnerable in front of other people). I also wonder why it won't go away and I'm also tired of waiting. Even my own self discovery and self expression isn't enough (though they help a lot).

[derangedcandy]

You are still here because despite all the misery, and darkness there is some tinge of hope whether you believe it or not. I've been dealing with depression for close to 7 years. Not consistently. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder for about the first 3 years, and things slowly got better. Now it's more of a persistent depressive disorder. There were so many times I wanted to give up, so many different medications, therapist, etc... but whether I knew it or not, there must have been some tinge of hope in me, cus I am still here too. I promise things will get better, maybe not perfectly, but it will slightly. There will be days where you can breathe a bit better. When you feel like giving up remind yourself you want to see what things will be like a year from now, etc. I always tell myself when winter comes, that I want to see the green grass and trees again because it's breathtaking... and it keeps me going.