[i dont matter]

I can not help but wonder if many of you have this same feeling.....

Life sucks and it will never be better.

Truth be told, I have a lot of things to be thankful for; but I can not seem to appreciate them. I live in blaaaaaah all the time. I am just waiting for something crappy to happen to be the thing that pushes me over the edge.

WHY can I not find a purpose to live. And I use the term live as in to live life actively. I exists, I do not live. I work, I go home, I repeat. There is no life in this life.

I WANT to die, but I know how much it would hurt my youngest daughter. My wife too (but I think she would get over it); I fear my daughter would be truly messed up.

Arg. Life sucks. Much like my mother used to say - "I wish I had never been born".

:/

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I am sorry you are feeling this pain. I hope you find a way to hold on. Your wife and daughter need you.

I feel the same way.

[StillIntending]

There are people who need you. The people who love you would never "get over" your death. This is an idea I struggle with too. Let me see if the analogy I came up with for myself can help you too.

I likened a loved on committing suicide to breaking a leg. At first, the pain is unbearable, and suddenly you can't walk at all. This would be after the loved one died and the emotional turmoil completely incapacitates you. Then you eventually can walk with crutches. This is the equivalent to starting to get back into life, but needing extra help since you're still shaken up about what happened. Then, at long last, you can walk on your leg again. This is what you might call "getting over" the death.

But it doesn't end there. The leg didn't heal quite right. How could it, when someone you love has killed themselves? You don't usually feel it and most of the time you can function normally, but sometimes, you step wrong, or overexert yourself, and a sharp wave of pain shoots from your leg up through your spine, reaching all the way to your neck. You stop and gasp for a moment before shaking it off and continuing on. This is like being able to function normally again after your loved one's death, but then every once in a while, remembering. Some little thing that triggers the memory of the one they loved. And in that moment, all the pain from the injury comes back. Most of the time, you can function fine. Occasionally however, you are incapacitated, because no matter how much you may try to "get over" it, you know you'll never be able to truly forget.

People recover from a loved one's death. People even recover from a loved one's suicide. But I don't think they recover flawlessly. And I think that fact is very important.

[DawnCrimson]

Of course I could not say I understand everything you have been going through. But you are not alone in this. It happens to the best of us and it is not your fault.

It might sound stupid, but according to some studies, mimicking facial expressions similar to smiling may actually induce more positive feelings. I am no health professional, but based on personal experience, it actually helped me somewhat. One thing that I learned during my hardest time was that sometimes a person's awareness is limited, even when it comes to knowledge about oneself. Even if it might be difficult to find anything positive now, doesn't mean there isn't any.

Keep safe and stay warm in Wisconsin...

[Fuzzybear]

[i dont matter]

Originally Posted by DawnCrimson

Of course I could not say I understand everything you have been going through. But you are not alone in this. It happens to the best of us and it is not your fault.

It might sound stupid, but according to some studies, mimicking facial expressions similar to smiling may actually induce more positive feelings. I am no health professional, but based on personal experience, it actually helped me somewhat. One thing that I learned during my hardest time was that sometimes a person's awareness is limited, even when it comes to knowledge about oneself. Even if it might be difficult to find anything positive now, doesn't mean there isn't any.

Keep safe and stay warm in Wisconsin...

Thanks, my therapist says to smile more too.

Thanks for the nice words - you are a sweet person.

[IrisBloom]

How do you know life will never get better? Each day is a new opportunity for something wonderful to happen! You have a lot to live for. Find something to get excited about. Your life is YOUR responsibility. As I told my kids: No one is going to drop what you want on your doorstep, you have to go out and get it!