[Rehelm]

My depression won't go away. I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when I was 18. Now that I'm 25 I'm doing a whole lot better. But of course I do have my up and downs. I feel like I'm worthless. No one in my family has any faith in me. It may be because I have let them down so many times. I don't know.

I hate myself. I still live at home. I'm only just recently gaining a social life. I can't support myself on my own simply because I don't make enough money to do it. I hate being on SSI. I feel like I'm stealing from the tax payers and I don't like it. I've decided that I'm going to get a job but my Mom doesn't focus on all of the positive aspects of it, instead all she can think about and talk about are the bad things, the negative things which is weird because she is one of the most positive people I know.

I want to be able to move out and live on my own. I want to find that special someone, get married and have a million kids (okay, maybe not that many lol). But, if I stay on SSI that is never going to happen. And even though I have brought this to my Mom's attention several times, I don't think she sees it.

I feel like she is holding me back and I don't think she even realizes it. And all of this has me feeling like I'm trapped.

There are of load of other things that are going through my life at the moment. Things that I doubt I'm going to go over on this forum that has be waid down. I'm sad. I’m scared. I don't know where I” m going to be in six months. Any advice would be wonderful. Thank all of you for taking the time to read this.

[Fizzyo]

Hi Rehelm,well done for coming so far!

It's hard to come to terms with needing benefits, I have similar thoughts. You can assure yourself, however, that if the beurocats had any doubt about you genuine entitlement to SSI, they wouldn't give it to you.

Maybe your Mom is worried in case you get a knock back and that would not help your depression, though I understand how frustrating it is when you feel someone is being over protective.

The best route to success may be to take baby steps, frustrating though it may be, see it as therapy, test what you can do volunteering, which will also give you something to put on your résumé to make getting a job easier in the long run.

If you build small successes, your Mom will be less anxious and employers will see you have the ability to work a steady job.

Whatever you decide, good luck. You have done well so far with all the obstacles you had to overcome.

Remember you're a human being and as such are worth as much as any other human being. Be kind to yourself, as much as you can.

[Fizzyo]

You matter to me.

[Rehelm]

Thanks for your replies. My Mom and I actually sat down and talked about it and I realized that there was some truth in what she was saying. I'm in the processes of finishing High School online (going through Penn Foster) and trying to get a job without that diploma wouldn't really be a good thing for me. Plus with the cost of my Dr. visits and my Prescriptions which in the end cost several hundred dollars a month I really couldn't afford it. I'll be able to get out of all of this eventually but for the moment I am beginning to think that I am good where I am at.

[avlady]

yes you matter to me too!!!