[barelyliving80]

Short story to my depression

I feel like I'm barely living,

Possible trigger:

I have suffered from depression, cutting and suicide since a young age. When I was 8 I thought of ways to kill myself a thought no 8yrs old should be thinking of. I was molested by my cousin until late we moved out to the country. It happened 1 time out there and that was the last time it happened. Don't remember when or how it started all I remember is when it ended. I grow up with family members telling me I'm ugly, stupid, pretty much worthless as a person, no support at all. I rebel alot as a child then as a teenager I ran away for a whole month. Was rapped by a boy who I thought I loved. Got pregnant by another guy at 17 married him at 18. Changed after 3 months stayed with a mentally abusive husband (for my children), who tried to get physically abusive 3 times in the 16 yrs I was married to him. I tried to kill my self many time while married to him I started cutting myself at 12 I was bullied by kids and family.

Now that I'm older and divorce I married a man who is opposite my 1st husband. A man who is more sensitive than I am and turns everything into something about him ( that's a Leo for you has to make it about them ). I just feel like I'm barely alive I stay home all the time taking care of my 3 boys. Because if I go somewhere I get a guilt trip from my husband. Who works on a boat so he's gone all the time. And I'm stuck doing everything on my own no support from anyone. Which is no big surprise I've done everything on my own, 1st husband was a good provider financially when it came to help with our boys or house/outside work I was on my own for everything. I'm just tired of trying to be so strong for my boys. Lately I have just want to give up

Possible trigger:

they found a lump in my breast doctor said to call if any changes. I'm seriously thinking of not calling him and letting the lump turn into cancer. I have also had in the past begining stages cervical cancer cells. Sometimes I just hope they find it but when it's to late to cure.

I'm just tired of living!!!

[Skeezyks]

Hello barelyliving80: Welcome to PsychCentral! I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. PC is a great place to find support, as well as to obtain mental health related information. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more you'll gain from the time you spend here. I know how difficult it can be to keep going, when all you really want is for it all to be over-with & done. I hope that you will be able to find the inner peace & strength you need to carry on.

[Fuzzybear]

[Fizzyo]

Hi Barelyliving,

Welcome to PC.

I'm so sorry you feel so bad. To me you are a human being, and as a human being, you are worth as much as anyone else in the world! Your family are wrong when they tell you different.

People here have helped me through some dark times and I hope you get as much encouragement from this community as I have.

Be kind to yourself YOU deserve it.

❤️