[Aldan44]

Dont really know how to start this thread it might be long but I guess Its all I can do right now to distract my mind also Ill try to be as clear as posible since I feel Im not thinking straight right now. I tought I could work on my depression and get over it all by myself but now I realized that Ive been wrong It seem im just tired of being so alone I have no true friends, no girlfriend my family is kind of dysfunctional, and now that I see it Im thinking that maybe not even that might help me now, all the time since I started to show symptons of depression I always moved on by myself no friends to talk to no family to support me and with time It seems Im tired of myself, tired of doing all by myself, tired of not having no one to talk to, tired of being human and having this necessities I think Ive lost my will to live and even sometimes I feel so hopefull so optimistic so happy and active that people actually care about me and that I can do whatever I propose but the next day or after a couple hours I start feeling like **** again.
I really dont know what to do anymore my therapist havent done **** for me all he gives a **** is his pay Im sick of my family and their **** Im sick of myself, almost everyday for about a month Ive been thinking of killing myself and I dont know how to get out of that or even If i want I dont know If i even want to live anymore but I feel like I have an obligation to live whatever the reason and thats just hurting me so much
I was planning to write much more but I cant really focus and have a terrible headache so Ill go to sleep for now
Thanks for your time

Hi Aldan. I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. Often times, depression not only will make you feel isolated but also helpless. In times like these I often remind myself that it is the depression speaking and not me personally. I take a break from as much as I can and just focus on relaxation and things that used to make me happy. Be sure to shower, eat some comfort food/do some comforting activities, have some positive self talk, and sleep early. When you're working on growth, not only does it take a long time to move anywhere at all, but it also will burn you out. It may take days or weeks or even sometimes months to come back out of a bad episode but please don't be too harsh on yourself. Progress takes time and we don't really notice it ourselves. The worst thing you can do is stomp on a plant beginning to sprout.

If you think your therapist isn't a good match I would encourage you to find a different one. If you are also considering killing yourself, please make sure to have suicide hotline numbers on your phone and to let the proper health professionals know so you can get the help that you need.

Best of luck!

[Fizzyo]

[dexter]

Hi Aldan thank you for coming here and posting. I second Unicorn's suggestion of finding another therapist if this one. Also be mindful that depression may be coloring your impression of therapy with negative, hopeless thoughts... But that said, I think often a therapist is someone who must be the right one for us as they all have different styles, chemistry, and philosophies.

I think you recognize that the feelings of hopelessness and desire to not go on anymore are artifacts of depression. It is great that you recognize that you need more help, please pursue that. And in the meantime coming here and sharing is a great way to help focus or at least have your brain trained on other things... Just the act of seeking the support of others can help get you through while your working on a solution.

Good luck.

[Aldan44]

Thanks for your comments and yes I think It would be the best to find a new therapist, I dont believe its because of me but since I didnt told him about everything Ive gone through that may have affected the treatment either way he didnt gained my trust, hard to when he is falling asleep in the middle of a session.
Anyway Im still having a rought time especially because from being so possitive, hopeful, overconfindent I go to the extreme opposite of feeling suicidal within minutes I really dont have any hobbies nor other activities to distract my mind I dont know how to deal with this right now and my family only makes it worse telling me things like Im useless that Id better finish my career or theyll no longer "support" me, dont know either what to do about this.

[Fizzyo]

Good luck finding a new T the old one sounds very unprofessional sending hopeful thoughts.: heart: : heart: