Struggling..once again

This last weekI am crashing badly. It's nothing less than I deserve.
I can't keep going on like this. And i have no intention to. This has to end

Halloween... Depression is painful. There are other ways to end the pain. No one deserves the pain and misery of depression... but the tragedy is that depression makes us think we deserve it.

Is there someone you can call to help you find another solution? If you don't have someone you can trust to help you can you call a hotline or visit a doctor?

I'm in a lot of pain too these past two weeks... emotional and physical. I am trying to hang on and find a solution. Hope you can do the same.

I don't want to call anyone. The one person who I might call is already in the hospital for similar reasons. I can't put this on her. More to the point though...I don't want to call because really I don't want my mind to be changed. I shouldn't have posted this in the first place. I was wrong. Need to keep my mouth shut.

I'm sorry you are also struggling. But I think I've found my solution. Maybe it's not the right one, but it's the only one I have right now.

Well that was all very melodramatic of me. I've calmed down..tired enough to hopefully sllep. Feel like an idiot

Don't feel like an idiot. Many of us feel pain here and you're among plenty of understanding, supportive people. I'm a bit worried about you though. Do you have a pdoc or a therapist? Are you taking any meds? Please take care of yourself and if your sleeping then I hope you wake up rested and feeling at least a little better. Sleep the day away if you have to. It's better then what you were previously referring too if I'm understanding correctly. Hugs.

I have a therapist..and am on meds. Haven't seen a pdoc for months...keep asking for a med review and nothing seems to get done! I wish I was sleeping. I can't seem to switch off. I thought I had calmed down but I really haven't. Sorry for worrying you..not really sure what I can say to alleviate that worry as I'm still feeling pretty much the same. I am at least in bed and Ican't really act on this for another couple of hours.. I kind of hope I sleep and wake up and this will have passed...but I'm trying to stay awake at the same time. Doesn't really make sense.

Do you have any PRN meds like a benzo that can help you rest? If you can't get into your pdoc maybe try your family dr for something temporary to help you sleep? Lack of sleep irritates my illness big time!

No prn. Not sure aboutgoing to my GP. I was going a couple of months ago and while they gave me something for sleep they were pretty reluctant to so not convinced they would give them to me again. Lack of sleep is definitely not helpful but I'm just kind of used to it now...it's been at least 6 months now since I was sleeping properly.

Have you considered going ip so you can be better evaluated and medicated.
Last year I underwent ECT. It's not for everyone but could save you.

Haven't even considered ip tbh.. I spent the summer ip and I'm really in no hurry to go back. Until last night I would have said I really don't need ip, it's no big deal. But hmm, maybe I was wrong. I'm not willing to admit it's that bad.