[Hopelesspoppy]

Let me begin by saying, clearly and with no extreme drama intended, that the universe has not been kind to me for as long as I can really remember. Just a template for where I am coming from.

Although I know that I am smart, hardworking and capable, chronic unemployment has been a big factor for me for several years, and obviously the economic impact along with the feelings of isolation and failure have compounded immensely the other struggles I live with.

Several weeks ago, I was offered the job that dreams are made of at a salary that while not making me wealthy, would comfortably pay my bills. The position was as the personal assistant to the founder and principal of a progressive private school; a large grant had finally provided the funds for him to have one. There was a probation period of one month that I understood. I adapted easily, he and I immediately and intuitively found mutual trust and communication. I was comfortable asking questions, careful not to step on other staff's toes as I basically was his "appendage" and aware of my status as the new kid. Before winter break we were talking about moving me into my own office at some point and making other goals and plans for the current semester.

Shortly after Christmas, I got an e-mail essentially saying that after difficult deliberation I was not going to be a good fit for the position. No further explanation but the invitation to meet in person should I wish to do so...hell yes. I don't think I have to explain what life for me became in the span of time that it takes to read 2 sentences....

So we met yesterday at a coffee shop. When he saw me we both got a bit emotional and he asked if he could hug me (never had before, and it was a completely normal little hug you would see in a coffee shop).

Turns out that one of his core trio of collaborators had taken an instant irrational dislike to me; an individual who he had known since childhood and was one of the early financial partners. There had been a brief incident where he had made a rude gesture/comment that he (maybe) didn't think I saw, but I had. When my boss asked him what was up with the f-ing rudeness he blew a gasket. Mind you, this was not someone with whom I had, or ever would have to, work with directly. My boss's initial reaction was he would just have to get over it- but upon contemplation and discussion with his other close adviser (who is lovely) he realized that this person was going to foment hatred and it would inevitably create discomfort and dysfunction within the core group.

My boss is convinced that this person felt threatened by my proximity, inclusion and easy relationships I had formed with him and with others. Fact is, my boss and I are very much alike in the same quirky ways. So there you have it. He told me I had been exceptional, had decided I was a keeper after the first week, enjoyed working with me immensely etc. But he had no choice, and I understand why.

It was, in spite of sad occasion, good for both of us. While not in jovial moods, we were relieved that we avoided awkwardness and genuinely hope to get together for the occasional coffee or lunch. I was relieved that he was the same man I had believed him to be, and that my dismissal truly and honestly had nothing to do with me or my performance. At least my level of self-loathing didn't get worse.

But this other "person", after 10 days of barely knowing me, basically has ruined me again. And there is nothing I can do, and the anger in me is only just beginning. I am already losing my hair due to stress (this is not my only pressing problem). It is just so unfair and arbitrary. How do I begin to process this? Any advice, or even revenge fantasy, is most welcomed...

[TishaBuv]

Hopefully your luck will change. Any way to blow off steam that works for you is fine, short of putting a hit on the other guy ;-)

- Batting Cages
- Driving Range
- Blow Up Punching Clowns

Pretend the balls and the clowns are the faces of both of these jerks and have at it!

Both of them are worthless, and one of them is definitely spineless!

PS ... The one who didn't stand up for you deserves a few extra whacks!

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

- Batting Cages
- Driving Range
- Blow Up Punching Clowns

Pretend the balls and the clowns are the faces of both of these jerks and have at it!

Both of them are worthless, and one of them is definitely spineless!

PS ... The one who didn't stand up for you deserves a few extra whacks!

He did stand up for me and is quite vocal in his resentment toward this colleague. Unfortunately, the one with the financial interest had to prevail over the new kid.
I am not my own biggest fan. I have a small but beloved contingent of trusted loyal and loving friends. I am always polite and kind to people. Yet it has happened several times throughout my life that people I encounter, no matter how briefly, take an immediate and intense dislike of me. As is clear by now, I am not arrogant and do not put on airs - anyone else have that experience?

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Hopefully your luck will change. Any way to blow off steam that works for you is fine, short of putting a hit on the other guy ;-)

I prefer psychological terror, the kind that leaves lifetime scars. But I am too beaten down by my bad karma to take any risks...if only...

[lavendersage]

Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy

He did stand up for me and is quite vocal in his resentment toward this colleague. Unfortunately, the one with the financial interest had to prevail over the new kid.
I am not my own biggest fan. I have a small but beloved contingent of trusted loyal and loving friends. I am always polite and kind to people. Yet it has happened several times throughout my life that people I encounter, no matter how briefly, take an immediate and intense dislike of me. As is clear by now, I am not arrogant and do not put on airs - anyone else have that experience?

YES.

And it STINKS. And it boils down, 9 out of 10 times, that something about you threatens the other person or are jealous over...so it it THEIR problem....but YOU (me) end up paying for it.

And that is UNFAIR. I'll pay for my own mistakes, hang-ups, shortcomings, etc. WTH do I have to pay for YOUR's?

I am very sorry this happened to you.

Join a kickboxing class. Immensely emotionally liberating.

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by lavendersage

YES.

And it STINKS. And it boils down, 9 out of 10 times, that something about you threathens the other person or are jealous over...so it it THEIR problem....but YOU (me) end up paying for it.

And that is UNFAIR. I'll pay for my own mistakes, hang-ups, shortcomings, etc. WTH do I have to pay for YOUR's?

I am very sorry this happened to you.

Join a kickboxing class. Immensely emotionally liberating.

That is one fine idea. Thanks. And I agree with you- I am also the first to "own" my shortcomings, hang-ups, etc. Ironically, My boss and I were totally open about that...both closet introverts required to sublimate our proclivities for the cause.

[dexter]

Maybe the boss can give you a great recommendation for another job, maybe even help lead you to something?

In the meantime a great but non-violent revenge fantasy might be that the boss finds another position for you at the same school where you end up with the @hole as *your* assistant.

Hugs to you... Huge letdown after looking like it was going to turn out well. I hope something great comes your way.