[dreamrunner]

I knew there was a lot of termoil in the home for a lot of years.I knew that part of my depression stemed from that termoil .
Three weeks ago my 14 year old son asked for"help". I arranged a child T.
Today I found out that he's been suicidal and attempted..Im so upset.
To think We've both been in those "moments".
I feel so guilty....failed my beloved......
He told me that this isnt my fault.......I feel I failed him.

[Direction]

You haven't failed him you got him the help he needed when he needed...I wish I had gotten help when I was 12-14...I didn't get until I was 34 ... twenty years later...

So you have done a wonderful caring thing for your son...

[dreamrunner]

I feel so sad Direction....I dont know how I will manage to ride this one out.I was just coming out of a bad bout with depression.....Im afraid for him and for myself.

[Direction]

I understand...my oldest is 11 and he sees a T every week...he is a lot like me...My dad had BP, I have BP, and he has symptoms consistent with childhood BP...

It scares the crap out of me...somedays

I think what may help is both of you to make emergency call lists of people who you can call that can come get you .

Here's the reason for this...that way you know that neither yourself or your son will be alone during a really bad bout...

[dreamrunner]

Thanks Direction....your words are comforting.
BP runs in my family as well....both my daughter and brother are BP.Its the diagosis that I am expecting when I see PDoc next thurs.I sure hope its not what is wrong with my son.

[recluse1]

(((((((dreamrunner)))))))) so sorry to hear about your son. it breaks my heart for the both of you. but please do not blame yourself. so many people suffer in silence and their suffering goes unseen and unknown to everyone around them. we all know to well that depression has made us masters at mascarading. game face on the outside and at the same time feeling so empty within. people don't know who we really are unless we remove the mask to reveal the reality that lies beneath. dont do the should've, would've and could've thing to yourself. just focus on the now. what can i do NOW to be there for my son, to help him and protect him? unless you just give up on him or yourself, you haven't failed him. remember that! love is the strongest bond in the world and the most healing emotion.

recluse1

[Irine]

i am sorry to hear it. wish all the best to both of you.
be strong.

kids a really good at hiding things.... i agree with otheres here it`s not your fault. but i undrerstand generaly why you may feel like that.

but really, i also used to hide a lot from my parents and they would never know....we can`t be responsible for everyhting that other people do, even if it`s in our family.

[dreamrunner]

recluse1 & ladymacabethadmunsen
Thanks for your words of support