[Mrgnfrnk]

A couple times a week I go through a depressive episode. They usually happen in the mornings maybe after a night of drinking or a bad experience with someone. Last night I fought with my parents, which doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but I woke up feeling terrible.

My depression mostly comes from anxiety that I have. I always feel like everyone hates me. When I’m with my friends I either feel distant from them or like they’re really annoyed by me. I feel like an inconvenience. It seems like all of my friends are obsessed with their boyfriends or their love interests. It makes me feel like I’m missing out because I’m 21 and I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone. I have never felt emotionally connected to a guy and I hate the way I look so I assume things will never happen for me which is fine because I like being alone well enough.

When I was younger (14-15) I was put on depression/anxiety meds, and have been taken off and put back on the same meds throughout the years. I have a doctor’s apt coming up where I need to address how I’m feeling, but it’s hard not for me to feel like I’m just complaining.

Though I feel like I want/deserve to die often, I will keep fighting. I’m only 21, I’m in my last semester in college, and I have my life ahead of me! Sometimes I wonder why so many other people feel great about themselves and I don’t understand why I can’t feel that way. I hate my mind and I always feel like a bad person. Something that has helped me is a “bliss list” which is a list I’ve made of everything in life that is worth living for.
Thanks for all who have made it this far! I hope you have a terrific day!

[Fizzyo]

[Fizzyo]

Hi Mrgnfrnk,

How are you now? Thinking of you.

[Fuzzybear]