[lostsoul09]

Hello Readers,

I'm getting real tired of things in my life. I hadn't made social contact in so long. Nobody wants to hang out because they're being 'too cool' for me. Since when did humanity consist of people who just toss a friend in the garbage because they have a neutral or sad face on. Yeah I know, I'm too 'negative' for their positivity. I'm too much of dirt to them. Even though I'm a nice guy, I promise you, this world steps on and eats nice guys alive. Only the evil ones in spirit flourish. Of course good people flourish, but only after they dealt with the crap of a thousand evil people.

And girls tend to be repelled from me. I swear. I've never been loved by a girl. I'll admit I'm not that handsome. And I don't have thousands of dollars in my bank account. But I am nice, and I'd give a girl all the love in the world. But it seems I don't fit in the category of 'guys liked by girls'. Why? Because I'm ugly and I'm a loser. No girl wants to be with that. This whole 'I love you for your personality' is all a load of crap. I've never seen that in my LIFE. I'm still a virgin at 22, and girls don't even appreciate that. To them, apparently, I'm 'inexperienced'. Maybe this viewpoint is because I don't go out too much. But HOW am I going to go out if no friends want to hang out?! Should I just go out on my own? Who the hell does that?

I'm just making this post to represent my dislike towards humanity. The universe would never let down a man, but his friends and people surely would! I'm just getting more and more sick and tired everyday. Depression is like a black hole that keeps eternally going down. People say it goes back up, but it doesn't. It really doesn't. I've been at this for 8 years so far, and I'm still in the same situation.

No creature on the face of the planet will screw someone over other than a human. I've learned this. How can I be blamed for distancing myself from people if they don't want to see my ugly face? Even my best friends are starting to do this. I've realized that once man exceeds the age of 20, he dies inside. He becomes a jerk.

The only goal I have in mind is graduating to I can be able to marry. But my OCD, depression and psychosis are messing me up big time when it comes to learning. I can't learn anything. I can, but barely. So I have to study extra hard just to get through one paragraph. What am I going to do then, work at McDonalds? I've tried that, but couldn't even get that job done, because I got tired so quickly, and I couldn't even remember what I had to do. I'm on welfare for those with disabilities. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the government's help, but that's just yet another thing in my life that put my dignity down the drain.

I swear to all of you, that I've always been a nice, humble guy that would never screw someone over. Ever. But in return for that, look what the world had done to someone like me. And when people say that the world is run by Satan, we disbelieve them.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Lostsoul09.

Originally Posted by lostsoul09

But my OCD, depression and psychosis are messing me up big time when it comes to learning.

Yes, those are all significant (understatement) obstacles to successfully pursuing an education. Being "officially" disabled, is any special educational help available to you either through the school or the state?

[lostsoul09]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello & Welcome, Lostsoul09.

Yes, those are all significant (understatement) obstacles to successfully pursuing an education. Being "officially" disabled, is any special educational help available to you either through the school or the state?

I'm not sure. I guess I'll check. I mean I can complete education normally but it's going to take me long to complete, because I'm only taking 2 courses at a time. I don't know if that's fine. In my university, I'm under the category of Student Access with Disabilities. They do help. But still, it's going to take time. I'll look around for schools that would specifically meet my needs. Thanks.

[Fizzyo]

[Xaldin]

I can definitely empathize with you lostsoul09. Im 23 and have not had a relationship either. Been a lone wolf most of my life and have been dealing with mental issues since I was a kid.

And you're right, it's pretty unfair that we "nice guys" get overlooked so easily. But something I would advise is not to put yourself down so much. Don't get me wrong, I'm not immune from it either... but I've learned to not make it apparent. You need to get to a point to where you don't depend on others for happiness. I'll make it clear that I'm not typically happy alone... but if I am at least content I can keep going. The main thing is that you should be okay, regardless if you are turned down.

While Pride tends to be my weakness, it's also been my strength. I try to give people the impression "Yes I am a lone wolf, I can survive just fine without a pack." That I have survived more adversity than the average person and have become stronger because of it.
But yes it can be especially painful to endure things by yourself. You come across a lot of "Make or Break" moments.

That said...it's made me keep almost everyone at arm's length. Openness is still an issue I'm trying to work on.

Well before I ramble on too much, I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only person to experience this. And if you want to talk about it, fee free. I'd be happy to try to help and support where I can.