[Max Payne]

First of all, to any mods reading this, if this is in the wrong forum feel free to relocate it.

Now, a few months ago I signed up for a membership at a gym/fitness center/whatever you wish to call it. Yay for me. A while back I was on an elliptical and I noticed a young lady who was on another machine nearby watching me. The machines all face the windows and I could see in the reflection in the glass that she kept sneaking looks at me. That, of course, could mean a lot of things. For example, it could mean she was thinking, "Tis a loathsome, offensive brute; yet somehow I can't look away."

I go to the gym every other day and I only see her every so often, but each time I do I always seem to catch her sneaking looks again. It culminated one night when I was there and I was getting a bottle o' water from the vending machine; I turned around and caught her looking directly at me. Of course she then immediately looked away.

So now each time I go to the gym I always hope I will see her there, and I even thought the next time I saw her I would dare to approach her and attempt to initiate verbal communication. Well, last night I got my chance. Because I had been working for THE MAN all day, and I had to run a couple errands after work, by the time I got there it was like 8:30 and there was only one other person in the whole place. Three guesses who it was, and the first two are forfeited to the Sheryl Crow Foundation.

No one else was there. Just me and her. If I go up and talk to her and she tells me to get the hell away from her before she maces me and call the cops, there's no one around to have witnessed my utter humiliation. An almost-perfect opportunity. So guess what I did?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I had no idea what to say. What was I going to say? She was walking on a treadmill, I couldn't just go up and try to start a conversation. I just went about my business and got my workout in and avoided her like the plague. And I felt like a complete idiot the whole time. But what was I supposed to do?

If it's one thing life has taught me, it's that whenever I have thought a girl/woman/female is interested in me, 9 times out of 10 she wasn't. And the 10th time there was still a 90% chance I was wrong anyway. Or she had a boyfriend/husband. Or she was moving to New Mexico the next day. So why waste her time and mine?

After a while it just got ridiculous. I just wanted her to go away. Her being there, her very existence was a reminder of how even as a "grown man" I am no stronger than I was as an awkward teenager. I know, I know, the only way to ever get anywhere is to take the risk and take that first step. But at least while she's anonymous I can pretend that she secretly likes me and is just waiting for me to take that first step. If I take that step and I'm wrong (which is almost always the case anyway) I don't even have the fantasy anymore.

Finally she left. She went out of her way to take a route through the building so she would walk past me, but she left. I had the whole place to myself, which was great since my hypersensitivity was in overdrive and I didn't want to have to deal with anyone else. I finished my routine, and every time headlights went past I was hoping it was her coming back to let herself back in the building and say, "You're a putz but I think you're handsome anyway and I was hoping you'd ask me to have coffee sometime." (I don't drink coffee.)

Later on I was texting a friend of mine saying stuff like "I shouldn't even be thinking about dating anyone right now anyway, I've got to figure myself out first and decide what I want to do and I can't risk having someone tying me down because that's part of what killed my marriage." But I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel completely stupid about the whole thing.

For what it's worth I went home, goofed off for a while, then went to bed and slept for almost 12 hours, so it's not like I was in a healthy state of mind anyway if I was that tired. So I win. So there.

I have no idea what's going on.

Really?? How about you flash a smile the next time you cross paths? You know, like courteous friendly people who have no interest in each other do. Say, "Hi" like courteous friendly people who have no interest in each other do. Unless you live in NYC, I suppose (that's a generalization).

In other words, try to tamp down your feelings of interest and extend general politeness to her . . . take some of the pressure off that you are putting on yourself. Yes, easier said than done . . .it's always harder to approach others we have a real interest in. Try to keep in mind that extending a polite greeting isn't a monumental task and it is totally doable, right?

You never know, you might find she has the voice of a man or Mickey Mouse and you'll be left wondering, "I was nervous for this?!"

Good luck!

[EnglishDave]

You must immediately go out and buy the biggest bouquet of flowers you can find, prostrate yourself in front of her with them as an offering and profess your undying love - for she is clearly your Soulmate.

…Or you could do what Onward suggests, take a little, friendly step and see where that leads. Hopefully, you are reading the Signals correctly and happiness is in your future. This way maximises chances of success and minimises risk of heartbreak.

Dave.

[Fizzyo]

[elevatedsoul]

say hi...
dont make it more complicated...
you dont have to learn everything about her all at once...
try not to make any expectations...
just be friendly - say hi and bye - if a conversation sparks... then thats great, after you say hi a time or 2 maybe you will feel more comfortable going further...
just try to be natural and dont force things... keep it simple - i would say...

you can do it... if nothing else maybe you will just make a new friend to work out with, that may be just as cool right..? give yourself that extra push next time you see her to just simply say hi .. if that comes out good, maybe can start a conversation just by saying you seen her there a few times and didnt want to seem rude by not saying hi

dunno, im not that great with relationships...

good luck... you never know - maybe she is thinking the same thing...
god knows i would probably do the same thing as you - but im getting older and i know that its better to find out rather than wonder the rest of your life...

[Max Payne]

For the record, on my way home tonight from a friend's place I went past the gym on the off chance she'd be there again. No dice.