[Rebel_in_need999]

It's half past 3.Outside the sky is pitch black.The whole town is sleeping and i'm awake again.One more night.I feel like i'm gonna break down but i still can't sleep.So i came here to write this.
Today,my doctor said i have depressive mood disorder.I told him one more time about my head and he told me that my mind is putting thoughts over thoughts,so when i forget something bad,something else comes.I'm starting to think that i won't be able to feel anything again.That i will be passed away from the world.I can't rely to myself anymore and so others can't rely on me.I have lost hope once more.For one more fu**ing time.I'm starting to feel crazy.Again.

I'm afraid...So afraid...And i don't have anyone beside me,by my side,no one,just me.I'm starting to wonder what will happen next.What will happen in some years.What will i become when i grow up?My hours are slipping away with every passing moment.I wish life was different and i would have been someone else.But this can't be done and i feel like i have reached the end.

I apologise for anything wrong in my life,toeveryone that i have disapointed and i wish them to have a good time without me...

P.S:I wish to everyone that read this to get better because i won't.I've lost any will that i had to continue.If i have to live like this,i better die.And the worst is that i'm only fifteen years old,i'm still young,but the flame in my hand has vanished and i believe that it won't light up again.These are the only words i can write now and i wish you,from the remnants of my heart,to those of you that can still feel,to treasure each moment of their lives.

Rebel.

[gostryter]

(((((((((((((((Rebel))))))))))))))))

you're not alone i'm here

life isn't easy. but i'm glad you are here! i'm glad you posted tonight! i hope you can feel some comfort in knowing that i do care about you.

i know what it's like to hurt. to feel hopeless. but do you realize how important you are?!

i have a therapy session tomorrow. and i'm scared! i feel like i can tell you that because you'll understand.

everyone who posts on this forum - we need each other. you are such a very special person. please keep posting!

[Direction]

"What will i become when i grow up?"

Good question...maybe something to explore with your doctor...

Life changes drastically from 15 to 25...I wouldn't write yourself out of the game...

[Rebel_in_need999]

I managed to flick off the switch and i'm feeling better.The thoughts have stopped,at least temporallily and i'm getting sleepy(at last).I'm starting to get a feeling that,by trying to escape from my past,i lost the present.My memory has improved and the pressure has weakened.I'm writing some lyrics to melodize with my guitar,something that i had to do a long time.I finally understood something.The past cannot be changed but the present can.My fears have all gone now and i'm gonna live it's passing moment in it's entireness.I'm sick of the lies i have been telling myself.Now i know things are getting better.You were right,i have been too blind to see the essence of things.And the best is that i'm starting to recognise myself and i'm feeling passion and desire all over my entire being.I will set new goals and i believe that i will get better.Thanks for your support.Will keep on posting!Thanks again you have been a great help.

[gostryter]

very glad to hear you are feeling better!!!!!!!

sounds like you've been doing a lot of thinking and have come up with some great ideas and realizations!

that's wonderful you are writing some lyrics - i think there is a forum on here for creative stuff. you might want to share??

take care!