i feel like a zombie

lorax177 · Mar 16, 2016, 04:08 AM

I'm schizoaffective, bipolar type. I'm also constantly dissociating (dr/dp disorder) to help cope with the hallucinations and sensory stimuli, as well as extreme emotions I sometimes feel. Right now, however, I feel nothing. I'm constantly exhausted, and everything seems unreal. I remember feeling emotions but it seems like I can't muster up the energy to feel them right now. It's always super hard for me to focus and I feel like there's no reason to be where I am at any moment. I'm in college but the reason I'm here just seems pointless, it seems like there's nothing that will make me feel real. Everything seems cloudy and sluggish and surreal and I can't concentrate. When I try to remember things that happened to me they seem far away, and I always feel like I'm not really there. I feel like it's all a dream and I'm going to wake up sometime and things will make more sense and I'll feel more alive but it's not. Like I don't even feel sad. I just feel numb. I don't know why I'm here because nothing I'm doing here seems like it will matter. Does anyone else feel this sometimes? I've been depressed before like this, but as I'm having memory problems I can't recall how I dealt with them in the past. I've also been mixed before (depressive/hypomanic) and that was more actively distressing, but it was also easier to get help because it was so much more visible.