[BlossomingLen]

If you are uncomfortable with reading things containing the topics of suicide, self harm, and anything else that are categorized under extreme emotional distress; please do not continue any further.


Hello. My name is Len. I'm unsure if any of you remember me, since I was absent from this site for a long time. I was mainly using this site during my days in the hospital, when I recovering from surgery. But after that came and went, I got home and slumped back into my typical routine.

I’ve been silent for a multitude of different reasons. However, the main one of these being my episodes of Depression. It is now almost daily that thoughts of taking my own life is brought into consideration. I recently, and unfortunately, did my first attempt of self harm. It was something that I’m still incredibly ashamed about. I wish I could’ve gone about it in a different way. I wonder if everyone thinks that in hindsight. Either way, because of my Depressive episodes, I’ve been falling back in school. Since Spring Break is approaching, I’ve been working extremely hard to get all of my work caught up and to study for all these exams I’m cramming into one day. It’s all a lot of stress.

I’ve been trying my best to distract myself, it’s just my friends are always so busy and off doing their own thing that I really have nothing to do. I eventually ran out of options, and remembered this site. I thought I should come back, and I’m glad I did. I’m just sorry that I came back under such bitter circumstances. Even if you don’t know me, it’s a pleasure to meet you, and thank you so much for reading this post of me just ranting and rambling.

I'm just somewhat confused, I suppose. Some of these elements of Depression have never occurred to me before. It's never been so bad that I had to use self harm as a way of coping. Do any of you know of ways I can stop the urges of doing stuff like that again? How did all of you cope with Depression? Any advice is very much appreciated.

Have a wonderful day!

Blossoming (((hugs))) you are in my prayers

[DechanDawa]

I have started a program of walking and meditation for 6 weeks. I read that in a trial walking/meditation program people reduced depression by 40%. So I decided to try it. I have been doing it for 5 days. I started out meditating twice a day for 30 minutes, and walking a minimum of 50 minutes. I have doubled my walking time (and more) and am up to 2 hours. The meditations I am keeping at 30 minutes twice a day. I have meditated for years so meditation is not new to me.

I have been fighting depression and anxiety, and the last thing I have wanted to do is to go out and walk in the sunshine. I have become more the Goth type...I like dark rooms with the shades drawn, silence, a bit of incense.

But I am curious to see if this could really reduce depression by 40% which seems like a pretty outrageous claim.

After about a week I have felt a teeny tiny bit better. Like little waves of feeling better for a few seconds. Even a few minutes!

You could try getting out and walking or doing something outside like shoot some baskets. If it is night and you can't walk you could practice meditation. Meditation is really good for reducing internal pressure which is what I am assuming builds up to the point where you absolutely need some kind of release. For you I think something structured would be best. Here is a Zen meditation to get grounded: Get in a comfortable position, half or full close your eyelids. Count your breaths until 18 then start over. You will lose your focus a lot. When you do just start over. At first you might only get to 18 a few times. If you keep going over 18 that means your mind is too loose, and you should stop the meditation and try again in a few minutes. Go get a glass or water or something.

At some point during meditation you should start to feel little waves of relief, like your body and mind are letting go of tension. I would suggest that every time you feel like self-harming either go for a walk or meditate. Keep a little notebook, track your moods, how many times you meditated, and for how long you walked. Maybe also note what option you took instead of self-harming. Observe! Observe! Observe!

[BlossomingLen]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

I have started a program of walking and meditation for 6 weeks. I read that in a trial walking/meditation program people reduced depression by 40%. So I decided to try it. I have been doing it for 5 days. I started out meditating twice a day for 30 minutes, and walking a minimum of 50 minutes. I have doubled my walking time (and more) and am up to 2 hours. The meditations I am keeping at 30 minutes twice a day. I have meditated for years so meditation is not new to me.

I have been fighting depression and anxiety, and the last thing I have wanted to do is to go out and walk in the sunshine. I have become more the Goth type...I like dark rooms with the shades drawn, silence, a bit of incense.

But I am curious to see if this could really reduce depression by 40% which seems like a pretty outrageous claim.

After about a week I have felt a teeny tiny bit better. Like little waves of feeling better for a few seconds. Even a few minutes!

You could try getting out and walking or doing something outside. If it is night and you can't you could practice meditation. Meditation is really good for reducing internal pressure. For you I think something structured would be best. Here is a Zen meditation to get grounded. Get in a comfortable position, half or full close your eyelids. Count your breaths until 18 then start over. You will lose your focus a lot. When you do just start over. At some point you should feel little waves of relief, like letting go of tension. I would suggest that every time you feel like self-harming either go for a walk or meditate. Keep a little notebook, track your moods, how many times you meditated, and for how long you walked.

Thank you so much for the advice! I'm really glad you thought my advice to you was nice, as well! I hope that your interactions with other people go more smoothly from here on out. I really do appreciate you reaching out and helping me. I'll be sure to try out the method you explained! I used to meditate a lot a couple years ago, actually. I should definitely get back into it. I remember the last time I took a walk to the park, I was in a great mood. That actually works really well for me. So, thank you again. You made really wise comments, judgments, and provided excellent advice.

[DechanDawa]

I would be curious to know what kind of meditation.

I completely flipped out about a week ago. People here will tell you. I posted about 50 times in a day. I was in a real crisis.

I read about this meditation/walking thing...but you know how it is...to trust that doing something different than from what you are doing is going to help.

Believe me, I relate to what you are saying. I just don't self-harm in drastic ways...but maybe in subtle ways...such as procrastinating doing important stuff.

Yeah, we are helper buddies now!

[elevatedsoul]

well...
please please dont do the self harm route... it gets out of control fast...
i feel ashamed about doing it... i hate myself about it... and i try to go about it other ways, i just end up feeling so horrible that i slip... it gets worse each time...
last week i cut deeper than before and i dont think the scar will ever heal... the more i look the more i can see all the scars from over the time... most have healed pretty well but you can still see them if you look...
its so easy to get out of control with this because it feels real... but its not a good thing and even though it seems to make you feel better in the moment it makes things worse... its been a few days since i last did it and i just dont know why i do that stuff to myself... i just wanna feel better, why cause more pain? so confusing...
sorry to write about it, i just wish i never started with something like that... i can go a little while without doing it and pressure just builds up and i hit a snapping point... sometimes its a few days, sometimes months, but seems like i keep failing .. but im going to keep fighting and trying, there is a better way to handle this stuff.. and i know i can feel better one day... i just have to focus on treatment and recovery...
im trying to realize that im just sick, it doesnt make me a bad person... but i have illness that i have to try to live with...

im glad you are back, being here doesn't cure anything but it really helps sometimes... has kept me from self harm and things before just from having a little support from people who know how i feel...

i just wanna say i know how tempting it can be to do something drastic to release the pain, but its a wildfire that can't be controled no matter who you are it will always get out of control...

next time you feel urge to self harm can you come here and try to talk it out instead?
just write down whatever is going through your mind and try to get it out that way...

i'll be here to support you as much as possible

exercise is good for depression if you can get yourself to do it...
meditation is good too it helps you control your mind better ...

try to use hobbies and things that interest you to distract yourself...
i wish i had more encouraging things to add, i just dont want anyone to hurt themselves... its not worth it

[Fuzzybear]

[elevatedsoul]

here a little website i was reading about meditation and depression... has some interesting things...
Meditation And Depression | Wildmind Buddhist Meditation

meditation is basically clearing of your mind - mastering the control of your thoughts...
atleast that is what its always meant to me - its just not easy for me because of my condition i guess... hard enough to focus with adhd...

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

here a little website i was reading about meditation and depression... has some interesting things...
Meditation And Depression | Wildmind Buddhist Meditation

meditation is basically clearing of your mind - mastering the control of your thoughts...
atleast that is what its always meant to me - its just not easy for me because of my condition i guess... hard enough to focus with adhd...

This was an excellent link. Thank you.

It reminds me of how I got out of a severe depression years ago. One day I simply decided to stop using the word depression. I was reading a lot of books and going online to "research" depression and I made myself stop that. I forced myself to use other words to describe my state...such as "sad" "frustrated" "lonely" "angry" --- I could use any word but what I called (to myself) the "d" word. That, along with some other things, and time...and I was out of that state. So it is worth considering doing this.

I may do it now. It makes me a bit nervous, because it isn't easy. We can become quite used to describing ourselves as depressed. It is a hard habit to break.

I loved this article you included a link to...the writer is very smart. They point out that sometimes meditation isn't good or even possible when depressed. I agree that when severely depressed that meditation might just become so much rumination.

But if you are fighting your way out...or not wanting to fall into...severe states...then meditation can help. And structured meditation is best. I use counting of breaths now because it is very structured. But if the meditation isn't going well I keep it short. I was doing 30 minutes but I think I am going to cut my meditations to 22 minutes.

Good luck, all!

[DechanDawa]

Good luck, all!