[dexter]

One of my current bugaboos is people who say... I know they're trying to be helpful and that their trying to connect with me... but they say "I've been depressed too" when they really mean they've been sad, or that they had a traumatic life event and had a "normal", timely, grief response to it.

They are trying to help but instead are minimalizing my pain and proving that they don't understand that what I'm going through is an illness largely or completely out of my control with many attendant symptoms that make life and living difficult. One of those symptoms may or may not be sadness. Usually it is more of an inability to feel anything, not sadness. When they say "they are depressed too" they mean they are sad. Not the same thing.

The line is blurred further by the fact that anyone can get an antidepressant nowadays by describing some symptoms to their primary care doctor.

So "I'm depressed too" can be accompanied by "I understand, I am also taking an antidepressant" and "I'm going to therapy too" still without any real understanding or connection with the clinical illness of Major Depressive Disorder

I see one of the biggest problems in the name itself: Depression. Why it is called that? Right off the bat it invokes the emotion of sadness and gives people a hook that makes them think they understand what it is we are feeling.

Can you imagine if diabetes were called "sweettooth"?

"I have sweettooth"
"Oh yea, I like candy too."
"No, I have an illness. I have to watch my entire diet and give myself an injection every day"
"Have you tried eating less chocolate instead?"

I think this stigmatic aspect of our disease would be much easier alleviated if the illness had a new, clinical sounding name.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( dexter ))))))))))

It's kinda like when I told someone IRL that I'm "really shy" (I've always hated the "shy" label but thought this person might kinda get it (IRL)
Their reply "I'm quite shy too"
Nope not the same thing. I was dxd with AVpd
Much as I hate that label I can't say it is necessarily wrong (although the PTSD etc wasn't dxd )

[guiltier65]

I love it! and I agree completely. Most people, including those in the medical community don't have a clue what depression feels like... the loss of interest, lack of motivation, feelings of emptiness and general feeling that you are living in a black hole. I have expressed my frustration before on this forum about the same thing. It is so disheartening and contributes even more to the feelings of isolation that render me so hopeless. Maybe we should call depression "walking dead syndrome" maybe then they would understand a little more what we deal with.

[Fuzzybear]

I relate to this

"Walking dead syndrome" and living in a "black hole", NOT out of choice

Originally Posted by guiltier65

I love it! and I agree completely. Most people, including those in the medical community don't have a clue what depression feels like... the loss of interest, lack of motivation, feelings of emptiness and general feeling that you are living in a black hole. I have expressed my frustration before on this forum about the same thing. It is so disheartening and contributes even more to the feelings of isolation that render me so hopeless. Maybe we should call depression "walking dead syndrome" maybe then they would understand a little more what we deal with.

Dexter: "I'm not depressed, I'm suffering from Depression".

Amazing how the arrangement of words can have subtle but vital differences. You are spot on about the reaction of others to "I'm depressed". Since my diagnosis I never tell people about my depression(except of course at PC) because I know exactly what they'll say.

It can cause you to withdraw because you figure; what's the point. Hopefully though those that truly have insight will stick around and be eternal friends.

I have no specific answers to depression. If I did what would I become? I would no longer be Hercule. I would be what a total stranger says I should be, like them.

Keep listening to the quiet voices in your heart. I believe depression can be turned into a strength. Be sensitive, be soft and be gentle. Those are fine qualities.

Regards, M Poirot

[cryingontheinside]

I hate pretending I'm fine because its expected of me. I wish people would stop asking me how I am because I am never fine or OK !! Never!! Its unbearable!!!!!!

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[dexter]

May if instead of saying "I have depression" I say "I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder"

Although I like "Walking Dead Syndrome" too

[cryingontheinside]

Originally Posted by dexter

May if instead of saying "I have depression" I say "I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder"

Although I like "Walking Dead Syndrome" too

I like that one too. It fits me also

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[Fuzzybear]

Good thinking, this fits

Originally Posted by dexter

May if instead of saying "I have depression" I say "I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder"

Although I like "Walking Dead Syndrome" too

[Fuzzybear]

I know these days, for a long time, this is me also

But I guess, as the old cliche goes, some days are better than others, so on those days I tell people I'm "ok" or "hanging in" etc.
On the really bad days I don't answer. People (IRL) DO NOT GET IT

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I hate pretending I'm fine because its expected of me. I wish people would stop asking me how I am because I am never fine or OK !! Never!! Its unbearable!!!!!!

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[Fuzzybear]

The "total strangers" love to judge, to categorise, based on their oh so limited understanding ...

Originally Posted by dexter

May if instead of saying "I have depression" I say "I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder"

Although I like "Walking Dead Syndrome" too

Come right out and say it. Why not? I guarantee you they will never ask again!

My sister is the last remaining kin. She NEVER asks me how I'm dong. Never. So I don't have to worry about her. When those who I interact with around the apartment ask I just say, meh. Generally however I walk around with a scowl on my face that would scare a cat away. After years of living in major cities one has to look intimidating so add to my now major depression it comes naturally. Of course the therapist says 'you may be missing out on a possible friendship'. Jolly joke! Why waste time and energy to find out 9 out of ten people aren't sincerely interested in being my friend. They just want something from me.

Cynical. I know but, who else is going to protect me?

Keep pushing Dexter you'll find that middle ground.

[dexter]

Originally Posted by Herculepoirot

Keep pushing Dexter you'll find that middle ground.

I"m hanging on by my fingernails but I'm hanging on. Thanks.

[Marla500]

Thank you DexterI am so grateful to have a place to come where everyone understands it

[Runs with the eagle]

I agree with you, when I tell people I am depressed, I don't mean sadness for a day and then I go party and laugh the next day. Every day is such a hard task, getting out of bed, taking a shower, just even forcing myself to walk outside. I have been dealing with this for two years. I can definitely relate to what you are saying. Sometimes people don't know the difference between just having sadness for a day or two and what depression long term feels like. When not even the most silly things, like getting a new iPhone or getting a new car will make us happy. Nothing hardly ever does.

[dexter]

Sharing this again... I printed this and gave it to a few people at work today.

13 usually unspoken tips if your loved one struggles with depression.

[guiltier65]

That was a really good article. Thanks for sharing. I hope that things are getting a bit brighter for you.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Originally Posted by dexter

Sharing this again... I printed this and gave it to a few people at work today.

13 usually unspoken tips if your loved one struggles with depression.

The idea of someone telling someone you'll leave them if they don't 'get better' makes me want to punch things. That's not how mental illness works - are people really that thick? Not to mention what a huge psychological blow that is - talk about kicking someone when they're down. Of course, no one would dream of doing such a thing to someone going through a severe physical illness.

Actually, it's something I've been noticing more lately: depicting people with mental illness (especially mood and personality disorders) as toxic, life-destroying lepers to be villified and avoided. The more I read though, the more sympathy I have for "negative" or "dysfunctional" people. That's not to downplay any suffering of the person on the receiving end, but can't we acknowledge that both parties need help?

I don't have severe depression, sometimes I wonder if I have depression at all or if I really am just constantly sad. But I've seen real depression in others, and I like to think I at least understand it on an intellectual level. I can't do anything for you, other than send some good wishes for your well-being.

[guiltier65]

I don't want to talk today, it hurts too much. I don't want to be alone today, because I hate who i am.... please make it all stop. i feel so hopelessly lost in this darkness.

[cryingontheinside]

Originally Posted by guiltier65

I don't want to talk today, it hurts too much. I don't want to be alone today, because I hate who i am.... please make it all stop. i feel so hopelessly lost in this darkness.

I wish I could make it all stop for you and all of us. I hate myself too. Its a horrible feeling

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