my nan's funeral

so this is pretty devistating.

recently i found out that my family had planned my nan's funeral- the songs, the bible readings, what everyone was going to say, where it was going to
be held, etc etc.

she's not dead yet, but this is horrible.

i have also been informed by them that i can't write any words to be read at the funeral, i can't attend, i can't say my final goodbyes, i can't go near
her... apparently, i'm not "family enough". (family enough, is that a word?). anyway, it is now.

i feel like i'm grieving her all ready- she's 93 years old with dimentia, and i'm not even allowed to phone and see how she's doing in what could be her
last few months, and not allowed to attend the funeral?

feel really upset about this- even more so that i didn't get any say in any of the planning

But why? She's your grandmother! This makes me furious for you. How have they decided you're not "family enough"? Is she a blood relative, or a step-gran (which matters not at all, because blood doesn't make a family.)

I'm here if you ever want to talk.

I'm so sorry. I recently went through something similar with a cousin of mine. No one thought to call me until the night she died. I understand your pain/grief. Please know that you are in my thoughts>.

rachel_,

given the way my family have treated me and shut me out of their lives, i'm not surprised they've done this (though it does hurt, a lot!)

guiltier65, i had something like that happen to me when my grandad died.
he died of skin cancer, and i didn't know anything about the cancer, or his suffering until the day of his death.

it was like.. so, i've news for you

oh?. what's that

your grandad died of skin cancer in the early hours

i'm honestly not sure what to say... if i knew he was so ill i could have said goodbye.

but i'm not letting it happen to anyone else. that's a promise i made myself, that i'll always say my goodbyes

You are entitled to see her... You have a right to see her...

My mom's sister passed away and they had the funeral and the immediate family didn't tell anyone that she had died. That was about 15 years ago and my mom still suffers over it.

So yes. Don't listen to them.