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#1
Apr 26, 2016, 09:56 AM
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Ugh! I get SO annoyed with my depression. It makes me so angry.
My life looks good on paper. Sort of. I spent years in eating disorder and depression hell that put me on disability because I was near death. But my depression still goes on. I feel like I function somewhat better. My close friends and family say that I've improved a ton. But I still feel like I'm on the verge of arsing things up again. I still fight the negative thoughts. I still exhaust myself with the mental judo that it takes to fight those negative thoughts. I still worry about making mistakes at work and think that I'm on the verge of getting fired. I still worry that my fiance will come to his senses and dump me. I still get panic attacks. I always feel like I'm waiting for the other damned show to drop. Ugh! I am just so frustrating.
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 What a long, strange trip it's been. |
 Fizzyo, Fuzzybear, Onward2wards, qwerty68
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#2
Apr 26, 2016, 06:17 PM
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Hello Calico_91: Yes... sometimes it just seems like there's simply no end to this stuff. I often feel that way too. I hope you will be able to find peace in your life...
 
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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#3
May 01, 2016, 03:39 PM
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Calico, you have shown great strength to come this far. I really feel for you that the struggle is going on for so long.
  
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#4
May 01, 2016, 09:20 PM
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Depression is a monster. It is awful and enough never seems to be enough with it. I understand, I've been in therapy for 7 years and been on 8 different antidepressants, but there are days where I still think I'm about to fall off a cliff, days I still get panic attacks, days I still sob into my pillow because isn't it time already that this ridiculous disorder stop tormenting me??
So many days I have to remind myself that healing is not a destination, it's a journey. And I am not anywhere near in the kind of pit I was in just a few years ago. But you do not need to expect perfection from yourself. It's ok to not be ok sometimes.  You are not alone, my friend.
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Yes. Jesus is the reason I am still alive today. Diagnoses: MDD, BPD, PTSD, OCD, AN-BP (I don't define myself by my personal alphabet up there, but I put it there so that maybe somebody won't feel so alone )
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| Fizzyo, Fuzzybear
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 Fizzyo
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#5
May 01, 2016, 09:27 PM
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Yes, Calico, it's very frustrating that we have to fight so hard against our depression. Getting through a workday is so mentally exhausting that I nearly pass out when I get home at 6pm.
I understand the fear that your mental illness will get in the way of your career or other aspect of your life. I don't have any easy solutions, but I feel your pain. I'm in the same boat and wanted you to know that. Seesaw Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
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 What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| Fizzyo
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| Fizzyo
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#6
May 02, 2016, 02:15 PM
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Quote:
I wish for you Calico (and me) to have the strength and courage to continue this journey, we may find ourselves in a better place some day. (And anyone else who is struggling)!
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| Calico_91
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| Calico_91
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#7
May 02, 2016, 02:25 PM
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__________________
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| Calico_91
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| Calico_91
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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