[MtnTime2896]

So, I need some feedback here. I've tried so many things to help my depression and PTSD. Nothing's really worked and I've gotten to this point where I just don't care anymore. I really feel numb about things and I don't want to talk about any of my issues anymore with anyone. I don't know if this is another form of depression, or what.
That's where I really need the help. I don't know if I'm depressed or just done with everything. I cut off just about every option for therapy, stopped taking most of my medications and getting ready to quit taking all of them entirely. I just feel like none of it really does anything, anyway. There are other things too but this is where I'm most confused. I don't know if I'm being logical about this and adding it all up in my head, or am I'm just falling back into what I was doing before (isolated myself, quit seeking help and just kind of coasted along). I guess I need an outsider's perspective on this.

[Skeezyks]

Hello So leigheas: The Skeezyks is basically where you're headed. I've been on a variety of different med's over the years (mostly antidepressants... but not all.) I've also seen a number the therapists for brief periods. None of the med's ever did much of anything except make me groggy & loosen my lips so that I became willing to talk about things I would never have breathed a word of under normal circumstances. The therapists I tried were all worthless.

Most recently I was on the generic variety of Cymbalta. It was the best AD I took. However, the out-of-pocket cost skyrocketed when I was obliged to change health insurers. So I decided to get off of it. I don't see a therapist. I technically still have a pdoc. But I've decided to only see him once a year at this point, just to keep my foot in the door so to speak, in case things take a real turn for the worse. So, as a result, I'm just gutting it out one day at a time. Some days go pretty well. Others make me wonder if maybe things have in fact taken that "turn-for-the-worse" I mentioned above.

I'm also just done with talking about my issues. It never did one bit of good. In fact, the only thing it did do was to leave me feeling exposed & foolish. I've reached a point where I just feel like things are what they are. Nothing is going to change. I've tied a knot in the end of my rope & I'm just hanging on...

One could certainly say that this is all just depression talking. And perhaps they'd be right. I don't know. All I have is my own experience to go by. And my own experience tells me that the med's are a waste & any therapists I've seen were useless. There's no point in kicking a dead horse, as the saying goes.

Yes, you (and I) may be just falling back into previous unhealthy patterns... isolating, not seeking help, coasting...) However, at least in my case, I don't know what the alternative is. Perhaps you don't either. I try to be sensitive to how my behavior affects the one other person in my life at this point... my spouse. I've told her that she should tell me if it gets to the point where I'm simply becoming too difficult to live with. I don't know if she will. (I do think it's important to have someone who can provide some objective feedback with regard to how one is doing.) If she does, I'll hold my nose & dive back into the mental health morass...

I wish you well...

[DayAtATime1]

Having struggled with depression a long time, I too feel numb and just don't care. I am sure the depression is causing me to feel this way. Several weeks ago I had a depression-free day - the first in years. I wasn't ruminating with all the negative thoughts that I usually have. That convinces me that there is a chemical inbalance. So I'm going to a new pdoc, hoping for the right med(s). Don't let depression win, try something else (new med).

[guiltier65]

I understand very well where you are coming from. I quit taking my meds 2 months ago because of health insurance issues. I do my best to muscle through the fog each day, but some days are more difficult than others. If things get too dark.... reach out and seek help.

I hear both of you and can commiserate. Each day that passes a little of me vanishes. Just in the last two weeks I moved away from a 'digital' friend and decided that talking to a therapist is useless. They seem to pooh pooh my depression and want me to be more sociable. I like being isolated. That way I won't say something that will give me guilt or may be private. I got my food and my PC plus an adorable cat. I'm 59 and really I don't care that much about a future and have no friends or family that isn't filled with judgment. I take a bit of Xanax for sedation and Ambien for sleep plus stuff for the digestive system. If I get a CDR and am turned down that's about the end of it. I'm almost ready and have my affairs in order. It's tough. I hope you both have that emotional support from the closest to you. Regards M Poirot