[Poopoo10]

Why do I desperately want something to be wrong with me? I want to die but I don't want to kill myself so I want to have some rare disease that will kill me but I hate feeling like that. It makes my heart hurt, literally. I know there are people who suffer from diseases and wish they never had them but I feel like that is the only way for me to go without killing myself on purpose. I also have the need to feel loved by somebody and feel appreciated for once.

[basicgoodness]

I know how you feel. I'm going to the doctor today about pain in my side and I am hoping that it is something serious, even life-threatening. A terrible way to think, but that's where I am at the moment. I think of my sister, who just went through major surgery for pancreatic cancer and is happy and optimistic about having more time. Depression sucks.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Poopoo10: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

For what it's worth... I feel similarly. I've actually made a few attempts previously. Obviously they did not succeed. I think I have reached a point where I am beyond wanting to try the "do-it-yourself" method again. But I still wake up every morning wishing something would just take me out. It's tough... I know... so I'd like to send some healing thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within...

[Candle in the wind]

Originally Posted by Poopoo10

Why do I desperately want something to be wrong with me? I want to die but I don't want to kill myself so I want to have some rare disease that will kill me but I hate feeling like that. It makes my heart hurt, literally. I know there are people who suffer from diseases and wish they never had them but I feel like that is the only way for me to go without killing myself on purpose. I also have the need to feel loved by somebody and feel appreciated for once.

I read your post and felt compelled to reply.
I understand what your saying , i have felt the same way and still do sometimes. I try to keep in mind what my therapist had said
Be kind to yourself. Your worth it.
I want to pass this on to you because YOUR WORTH IT

[IrisBloom]

Welcome to PC.

I've thought those thoughts myself, but alas, I'm healthy as a horse. lol

Maybe you can find something to live for rather than dwelling on the other.

[Ceara1010]

Ditto for me.

The course of this thread reminds me of this poem. (It kind of makes fun of depression and suicidal thoughts, so don't read it if you can't laugh at it.)

Possible trigger:

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

--Dorothy Parker

Hang in there everyone!!

--Ceara1010