[Killian Hook]

When I was much younger, and in college, I knew a guy.

Well, I knew lots of them, but one of them in particular affected my outlook on life and I never realized it til now. I am just going to refer to him as STP.

I met him my freshman year. In the course of conversation at dinner in our dorm, something prompted me to do a kind of creepy, possessed voice like a demon. He didn't miss a beat, and quoted the Ghostbusters movie, saying to me “Zuul, you old nut, I want to talk to Dana!” It was the 80s, and maybe you had to be there, but it cracked me up.

STP suffered from the same malady that I did, that of being “smart but lazy.” We both majored in chemistry (and yes, if you know chemistry, you know there is a joke in his initials). We both had wicked senses of humor, and could do the work, understand the material. But both of us always had problems getting projects done, and actually putting in the effort to study.

One weekend really stands out for me. He had come up to me in the lab a few days before and I had never seen him so excited. STP told me how he had really knuckled down and done all his studying that week, and finished all his papers for his other classes. He smiled and seemed genuinely happy.

The following Sunday, tho, STP went out on his bike and a car hit him! He had to spend a few days in the hospital and then spent the rest of the semester limping around in a cast. His grades suffered and he didn't do well.

I don't know how selfish it sounds to talk about how I reacted to his suffering, but I need to make some amends here. Make them to myself. I need to amend how I viewed that incident. At the time, I actually recall thinking “See? That's what happens. Right when someone gets their life back in order, the universe comes along and puts you back in your place.” I have lived with this cognitive distortion for a long time. Bills don't ever actually all get paid on time, I don't eat or exercise like I should, and I will stop straightening up our place as soon as it looks “mostly clean.” This last one drives my wife crazy and doesn't do me any good because she just gets mad at me.

There are other forces at work here. My depression and anxiety play a big role in how much energy I have to accomplish tasks, but I think I need to recognize that the universe is not out to get me. I think that is a good place to start.

Any input would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

[ExhaustedMom]

My depression also has a huge impact on my energy levels. And then having so many things to do with no energy feeds the depression and then I get anxious, and depressed , ... It's a big vicious cycle!

I try not to be too hard on myself about it all. And lately, I try to talk to myself the same way I would talk to a friend.

I'm my own worst enemy! Working on it!

[Fizzyo]

Hi Killian Hook, that sounds like an impactful experience.
Depression really doesn't help, but you have identified a distorted thought, it will take time to challenge it so you know in your gut it's distorted, but you're now well on the way.

I may not be a good person to make suggestions, I've always been medium bright so had to work hard at uni, and I had this terror of being late with work, so kind of opposite to you, but for what it's worth ......now depression saps my motivation and organisational skills....

I find making a prioritised list of what I need to do in a day (or period of time) helps, and trying to keep it realistic, what HAS to be done, etc. (Which may need negotiating with your wife).

I then start first thing, when I get up, or get in, and do it before I even think about whether I feel like it of not.
Then, when the work is done, I can "play".
It is tough whenwork never seems to be done, hence the prioritising element of the list making.

I'm unable to work now, due to my depression, so it may seem I have all the time, but I have to balance my priorities with the need to get out of the house (sometimes for safety, and also to help my mood- it can be hard to get myself out too) and the fact I have issues with fatigue which limits my mobility and how much I can do in a day.

I find if I put off starting, I get distracted or the low really takes over and I don't do anything, which is why I start first thing. Then I can rest and do things I (used to) enjoy.

I do best when I structure my time and prioritise when to do things.

I don't know if it's any help as we are very different people, but it's a thought.

Good luck as you try to find a way forward.

[Fuzzybear]

[Killian Hook]

Originally Posted by ExhaustedMom

My depression also has a huge impact on my energy levels. And then having so many things to do with no energy feeds the depression and then I get anxious, and depressed , ... It's a big vicious cycle!

I try not to be too hard on myself about it all. And lately, I try to talk to myself the same way I would talk to a friend.

I'm my own worst enemy! Working on it!

I know someone who sometimes says to me, "Killian is a good friend of mine, and I don't like the way you talk to him."

It's fine line between encouraging myself to do good things for myself, and just selfishly giving in to my desires. But, as you say, "Working on it!"

[Killian Hook]

Originally Posted by Fizzyo

Hi Killian Hook, that sounds like an impactful experience.
Depression really doesn't help, but you have identified a distorted thought, it will take time to challenge it so you know in your gut it's distorted, but you're now well on the way....

I find making a prioritised list of what I need to do in a day (or period of time) helps, and trying to keep it realistic, what HAS to be done, etc. (Which may need negotiating with your wife).

I then start first thing, when I get up, or get in, and do it before I even think about whether I feel like it of not.
Then, when the work is done, I can "play".
It is tough whenwork never seems to be done, hence the prioritising element of the list making....

I find if I put off starting, I get distracted or the low really takes over and I don't do anything, which is why I start first thing. Then I can rest and do things I (used to) enjoy.

I do best when I structure my time and prioritise when to do things......

Thank you for all the suggestions. I agree it's important to prioritize, make lists and structure my time. We can play as a distraction or play when the work is done. The latter is much more rewarding.

[Killian Hook]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Thanks for the hugs, Fuzzy