Feel like I am imploding

Hello,

I haven't been on the psychcentral forums in awhile, and, despite having severe depression for many years, have not ever posted on the depression forum until now. Everything takes more courage than I feel I have! But here goes ...

I just feel so lonely, and so damaged, and like nothing about my situation can be fixed. It's so hard to be in the moment, because the pull of all the sad, painful things from the past is so strong. All the pain of my past seems so real and present, like it just happened, even stuff from years ago. None of it feels resolved, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to move on from it.

Right now it feels like I can't do anything right, and so of course it is much easier to not try, to be immovable, day after day. But after awhile, the pain is just too much, and I'm like, "Okay, I have to do something different already!" But even though I can think of so many things that I could technically do that would help, it feels impossible to do any of them, because of course the depression convinces me that it would hurt too much to try to do anything other than cry or ruminate about cruel things people have said, etc., etc. -- somehow that feels more safe than trying to have hope about anything.

(((hugs)))

You're not alone. I am in the same boat. Thought I would share that you are not alone.

Sorry I am not much help.

Inthehalflight-

My heart hurts for your pain. What you wrote strikes a chord with me - I feel much of what you wrote in my own life. If I didn't have my therapist to push me along, my mother (albeit toxic) counting on me for support, and a few friends who check in on me, I probably wouldn't do anything besides work and lie on the couch or in bed all the time. Not trying to make this about me, I just want you to know that you're not alone, and people here do understand the challenges and struggles. I wish for you support and kindness, which you deserve for sure.

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Thank you so much, CognitoSchiz1989! Your reply to my post means a lot! I am so sorry that you are going through this stuff too, and wish you peace and comfort and happiness.

Hi, speckofdust! Thank you so much for your kind reply to my post. It means so much, and I am moved by your compassion. I really identify with your signature quote, about knowing other people feel the way we do but not knowing others who do! It sure feels that way a lot. I think everyone suffers a lot on Earth, but it's hard to always be aware of that when we might feel so alone and everyone else (in my life, anyway) seems so functional and put together.
I wish you much peace and comfort and happiness in your life!

(((((((( hugs ))))))))