If I were a color, today would be red
Exploding, racing, and tiredless
Fearless of anything, never moving fast enough
I can fly like the eagle, soaring above
------anything that could hurt me
I could do anythng, scared of nothing
Running wild, stopping for not anything
Seeing what others can not see
Feeling free and invincible.

Then from nowhere, I would be blue
Falling
Down
----down
Into a swirl of darkness
Spinning----swirling
----Bang!!!!
So dizzy--I cannot walk
Feeling so heavy
Like walking through muck and mud
Sinking with every step
What is happening?
Who am I?
I look up but I see nothing
Just blackness
Am I sleeping?
Wake up! Help!
I am alone--no one anywhere
But I'm not scared.

It seems I am black
Locked away inside a mind
Eyes staring at nothing
Voices in my head but I'm not scared
Never afraid.

Grey now forming
Fog knida lifting
Feeling worthless, what have I done?
I am not a person, nothing
Going through the motions
Doing just the right things
Watching every word said
Being strong--pretending to live
But I'm not scared.

Seeping through purple
Alone by my choice
It feels safe, I can breath
I can be who I am
I do not have to perform
And no one knows or sees this person
No pressures to be okay
No expectations to meet
When I am this way, I deserve no one
Or rather no one hast to be around me
But I'm not scared.

I withdraw within myself as yellow takes over
Go within, deep, where it makes sense
And no one judges
Where feelings are real
Understanding exist
Me----all of me survives there
No one can stop our feelings
Where it is permitted to feel
Where secrets are safe
And no one has to pretend
Where fear does not exist.

Sometimes it is like a camilion
Confused, fitting into everyone's mold
Trying hard to make no mistakes
Keeping inside so no one knows the craziness
Thinking hard before speaking
To be strong--brown
To be grounded--green
To fit so well, no one knows any different
If you are okay, then people have done thier jobs
Prayers are being answered
You are getting better
To make it through something hard--orange
Bright and strong, not seeing what it really did
Always strong--never afraid.

Mostly now, I am white
Behind a wall that hides me
Do not let anyone close, so you will not fail
No flaws for anyone to see
If a color comes, just paint it white
No one will know
Double coat it twice
Look at no one, say I am fine
They knew you could do it
It just took time
Who can you really trust?
Who really cares unless you are fine?
My brain begins to fade
Come back
Be strong
But I'm not afraid.

Right now, I feel hopelessly adrift
In a sea as dark as coal
Tired of living
Trying hard to get through the night
Staring eyes and thoughtless thoughts
Of nothing, hoping no one knows
Of the prison that is in your mind
There resides thoughts and memories
The secrets and feelings the colors hide
From the world in the light
I look out at the cold dark night
----and yearn for hope
We are simply alive
Sometimes praying aloud
Wondering in our heart
If there is anyone still up in heaven
Who will hear?
Praying tomorrow we will be the right color
Or no color at all
That I will be strong
And okay for others
Silence----
----I'm not afraid.

purplesecrets

[Fuzzybear]

I have red swirly hearts to give you. Thanks so much for this post, it's so beautiful and moving! (((((((( purplesecrets ))))))))

Love,
Fuzzy

[recluse1]

(((((((((((((purplesecrets)))))))))))))) you do not have to hide from me. you dont always have to be strong and unaffraid. i love you, all of you just as you are. pick a color, any color, no color at all, or every color. doesn't matter, i'll still love you. you are a rainbow on my soul!

much love
recluse1

((((Fuzzybear))))

Thank you for your continual support. Love you.

purplesecrets

((((recluse))))

Thank you dear for your words of encouragement. I know you are there and love me unconditionally. I am amased at your strength and your love. Thank you so much. We are walking a path that is so much fuller because of friends and people that really care. I hope I can be to you what you have been to me. Love you so much.

purplesecrets

[sabby]

My Dear (((((((((((((((((((((((purple)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

What and who you are is all that matters to me. You have never had to be anything but you, in that time, in that space. We are all a mishmash of colors, of feelings, of emotions or lack there of. We all put on masks from time to time and try our best to be what others expect us to be. But I have no expectations of who or what you should be, other than YOU. Whoever you are at any given time is who you are supposed to be.

I have seen and heard your colors. I accept each of them as YOU. Working so hard to overcome and find your true self is not an easy journey. I am here for you, holding out my hand at the ready for you to take when you need to. It matters not who reaches out or when, I am a friend to all your colors, no judgements, no expectations.

Thank you for sharing my friend. All my love to you!

xoxoxo
Jean

sabau--

Thank you sabby. I know and believe you more than you know that you are there and accept me for who and what I am. I believe you more than anything and I accept your hand of friendship and love. I am so fortunate that you arre there and I would not trade you for the world. Thank you for your love and support. I love you so much.

purplesecrets

[gostryter]

thanks for sharing it with us!!!!! very beautiful & real!!!

((((((((((purplesecrets))))))))))))))))

gostryter--

thank you for your support.

purplesecrets

Hey hun, I read your poem. It makes me feel the way you felt inside. It was so wunderful...but ...so heart renching. You inspire me so much. try not to put up to many walls ok. lots of love for you.

I Love the many colors you are each and everyone......

pma--

thank you for your support. i hope i encourage and inspire you in the right way. i am working on the walls trying to bring them down one brick at a time. somedays the bricks are heavy and stuck, but every brick removed is another step however small it may be. i know you are there, thank you.

purplesecrets

Tishie--

thank you and i appreciate you. i know you are there and i know you care.

purplesecrets