[Noctuary]

I've had sleep apnea for over two years now; I've been using a cpap for about that long as well. I still wake up everyday wiped out. I was already depressed before, but I was still okay with that. But now I wake up unrefreshed almost everyday. I don't see a point in living like this. There is no payoff, just the grueling drudgery of life. I lost my job because of this. I'm 47 years old, few family or friends anyway so I doubt anyone would be upset if I bailed.

I just don't see a reason to live. I am so tired.

[Demunie]

Hi Noctuary,

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Even if you only have few family and friends, i'm sure everyone would be "upset"/sad/hurt. Do they know how tired you are?

A reason to live. I don't have one either. Could you try "surviving" instead of "living" for the moment? Until things get better?

Do you see a T/pDoc?

Take care

[Noctuary]

Originally Posted by Demunie

Hi Noctuary,

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Even if you only have few family and friends, i'm sure everyone would be "upset"/sad/hurt. Do they know how tired you are?

A reason to live. I don't have one either. Could you try "surviving" instead of "living" for the moment? Until things get better?

Do you see a T/pDoc?

Take care

They would maybe be upset, but probably not much and not for long; we were never a "close" family. They know of my condition but like most people, they can't grasp what it's like to go nearly a thousand days not feeling rested. I've been surviving for two years now, and I don't see any payoff or hope on the horizon.

[Demunie]

How can you be sure about that? What if they were upset for a really long time? Would that change anything for you?

I know what you're going through. I know how hard it is not to just... Fall asleep forever.

you've tried for 2 years. 2 years are too long to just give up, don't you think? It has to pay out in some way. At least that's what i'd like to believe.

Have you tried medication, therapy, self help groups? What exactly is making you so tired?

We're here for you. Sorry that idon't have better advice.

Take care

[Noctuary]

How can you be sure about that? What if they were upset for a really long time? Would that change anything for you?

It wouldn't change anything for me. I wouldn't demand someone continue suffering just to spare myself some grief.

know what you're going through. I know how hard it is not to just... Fall asleep forever.

you've tried for 2 years. 2 years are too long to just give up, don't you think? It has to pay out in some way. At least that's what i'd like to believe.

Two years is too long period.

Have you tried medication, therapy, self help groups? What exactly is making you so tired?

I have sleep apnea. The treatment helps some, but not enough. I'm not interested in therapy because that won't help me sleep better. I've tried medication, but it didn't work. I also have no insurance and can't afford doctors.

I want to just get this over with and be done.

Would you consider taking part in a free sleep study? Like one of these https://sleep.med.harvard.edu/research/recruitment. Maybe you should could find a centre near where you live, have a look at what research they're doing and see if you can take part.

[Noctuary]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

Would you consider taking part in a free sleep study? Like one of these https://sleep.med.harvard.edu/research/recruitment. Maybe you should could find a centre near where you live, have a look at what research they're doing and see if you can take part.

It requires that one not be on any medication, so I'm disqualified already.

[Marvin Android]

Sleep Apnea, and CPAP are only two things that can influence your sleep. Another one is depression. Perhaps if you are depressed, being relieved of that aspect would give you the rest that you need.

I sleep very well with my CPAP and wake up less often during the night (I have been using it for a couple of months) but I am still sleepy most of the time, and I strongly suspect that for me it is depression, not lack of sleep.

Could you possibly go back to where you did your sleep study and let them know you are still always tired? There can be things besides apnea that interrupt your sleep. They might have some good guidance.

[Noctuary]

Originally Posted by Marvin Android

Sleep Apnea, and CPAP are only two things that can influence your sleep. Another one is depression. Perhaps if you are depressed, being relieved of that aspect would give you the rest that you need.

I sleep very well with my CPAP and wake up less often during the night (I have been using it for a couple of months) but I am still sleepy most of the time, and I strongly suspect that for me it is depression, not lack of sleep.

Could you possibly go back to where you did your sleep study and let them know you are still always tired? There can be things besides apnea that interrupt your sleep. They might have some good guidance.

I have no insurance. I am depressed certainly; but I can say for sure that if I wasn't tired all the time I would be remarkable less depressed. I've had blood work, seen a doctor many times, tried medication.....I'm still wiped out. Now I have to find the courage to shut this down. Its my greatest challenge.

[dexter]

I too cannot rely on any thought of anyone "caring" as a deterrent to suicide. i've been 100% off of social media and no personal conctact with the closest friends I have and no one notices. Work would "miss" me if I didn't show up but if I told them I needed a week or two weeks away to treat my depression then they wouldn't notice until I was supposed to be back and even then they would probably give that date a little flexibility. I live alone in a house and keep to myself so I don't think anyone would have any reason to even look for me until I hadn't shown up for work for a few days.

I started therapy and an antidepressant but I am still in emotional pain and physical pain every day. Like you I have physical ailments including arthritis and a cardiac condition that keeps me from attempting any social activities that might help with my depression.

I am now in an IOP program I go to every day to get help and therapy with my depression. When I enrolled I had already tried everything and while I saw possible relief from some of my daily problems I know there is no relief from my longer term problems that I've been working on for years plus the health issues which just keep compounding.

So why did I seek out and enroll in an IOP?

Because I had NOT tried everything. I had no hope but I allowed myself to take a leap of faith (not in a religious sense... I am an athiest) but I took that leap that if I tried something different it might possibly help.

The program is a type of therapy that I had not tried before (DBT) and you know after I think 4 weeks in the program I think it is starting to work. I am invested and I practice the things they are teaching me when I am home and in stressful situations that lead me to having more acute feelings of suicide. I'm not thinking of suicide much anymore, I haven't been able to work for several weeks but now I am starting to have confidence that I might be able to actively apply this therapy to work and rejoin the workforce.

You said "I'm not interested in therapy because it won't help me sleep better" but you absolutely don't know that. If you've tried therapy before a different type of therapy might help. Depression absolutely affects sleep, you said the sleep apnea medication helps some but not enough. Maybe the depression is what is blocking the medication from going that extra distance. If that lets you sleep the sleep might put you on the road (with continued therapy) toward breaking the depression cycle. Like Marvin said above.

If you are desperate you owe it to yourself to try that before you try to end it, if only because you can't try them in the opposite order.

[dexter]

Marvin wanted you to note below that I read your good advice... I appreciate what you say more than just wanting to ask you to take me to the bridge LOL

Hope your diodes are feeling OK today.

[Noctuary]

Originally Posted by dexter

I too cannot rely on any thought of anyone "caring" as a deterrent to suicide. i've been 100% off of social media and no personal conctact with the closest friends I have and no one notices. Work would "miss" me if I didn't show up but if I told them I needed a week or two weeks away to treat my depression then they wouldn't notice until I was supposed to be back and even then they would probably give that date a little flexibility. I live alone in a house and keep to myself so I don't think anyone would have any reason to even look for me until I hadn't shown up for work for a few days.

I started therapy and an antidepressant but I am still in emotional pain and physical pain every day. Like you I have physical ailments including arthritis and a cardiac condition that keeps me from attempting any social activities that might help with my depression.

I am now in an IOP program I go to every day to get help and therapy with my depression. When I enrolled I had already tried everything and while I saw possible relief from some of my daily problems I know there is no relief from my longer term problems that I've been working on for years plus the health issues which just keep compounding.

So why did I seek out and enroll in an IOP?

Because I had NOT tried everything. I had no hope but I allowed myself to take a leap of faith (not in a religious sense... I am an athiest) but I took that leap that if I tried something different it might possibly help.

The program is a type of therapy that I had not tried before (DBT) and you know after I think 4 weeks in the program I think it is starting to work. I am invested and I practice the things they are teaching me when I am home and in stressful situations that lead me to having more acute feelings of suicide. I'm not thinking of suicide much anymore, I haven't been able to work for several weeks but now I am starting to have confidence that I might be able to actively apply this therapy to work and rejoin the workforce.

You said "I'm not interested in therapy because it won't help me sleep better" but you absolutely don't know that. If you've tried therapy before a different type of therapy might help. Depression absolutely affects sleep, you said the sleep apnea medication helps some but not enough. Maybe the depression is what is blocking the medication from going that extra distance. If that lets you sleep the sleep might put you on the road (with continued therapy) toward breaking the depression cycle. Like Marvin said above.

If you are desperate you owe it to yourself to try that before you try to end it, if only because you can't try them in the opposite order.

My sleep problems began suddenly, overnight two years ago. It is apnea, not depression. If I don't use the cpap, I will feel very fatigued. I feel fatigued no matter what, but the difference is one of quality. I've adjusted the pressure up, down, EPR on, EPR off, slept on my side...everything. I don't have a job and can't afford doctors.

[Noctuary]

Is it really worth it to continue on? I'm exhausted everyday, and I can't find anything in this world worth struggling with this.

They say, "it gets better"; I'm living proof that it doesn't get better, it gets worse.

[Noctuary]

****it.........

[Demunie]

Originally Posted by Noctuary

Is it really worth it to continue on? I'm exhausted everyday, and I can't find anything in this world worth struggling with this.

They say, "it gets better"; I'm living proof that it doesn't get better, it gets worse.

Sorry Noctuary - Didn't mean to ignore it.

I can't promise you that it'll get better. I think that it's hopeless many times, too.
All I can say is, that there's also proof that it can get better. People who feel okay again often say that it was worth it...

How are you today? Did anything change?

[Noctuary]

Originally Posted by Demunie

Sorry Noctuary - Didn't mean to ignore it.

I can't promise you that it'll get better. I think that it's hopeless many times, too.
All I can say is, that there's also proof that it can get better. People who feel okay again often say that it was worth it...

How are you today? Did anything change?

I woke up tired. Just like yesterday and just like tomorrow.