Failure to thrive

I just got out of the hospital today for not eating and drinking. I did this for five days cause I'd given up on life.they said I had failure to thrive on my papers I was not in a mental hospital but I saw a psychiatrist and a regular doctor. They claimed I hit the security guard and my psychiatrist confused me when she said I wouldn't like if someone treated me that way.I did not give anyone an easy time but my incidents were not a lot compared to if I'd been in a mental hospital.I was even threatened with force feeding .but my doctor talked to me and convinced me to eat and drink.and my mom talked to my psychiatrist. And they agreed it was best if I went home instead of a mental hospital. So I'm home now.I feel okay.I told my doctor I wasn't sure this was going to last but he calmed. My mind.I'm on seroquel but I seriously now wish I wasn't don't want to gain weight lost so much on topamax.I was 156 went down to 147 pounds . Not much but when your prediabetic anything will do.I wasn't doing this to lose weight though.still I hope to get back on topamax. I'm not suicidal right now but I fear without quick intervention I'll return that way.my doctor said I should. Treat my thoughts of harm as an addiction. As I told him that's what it feels like to me. He said it might help with my treatment if I do that.I just am so frustrated with my condition that I feel like nothing will ever be solved when it comes to me and I feel I'll just fall back continuously into depression and suicide till my kidneys fail or I do something I can't undo to myself and have to live with the consuquences

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(((((hugs))))))

Hello passionfruit3: It's been a few days now since you posted this. I feel your pain in what you posted & hope you are feeling at least a bit better. I send many warm hugs your way with the hope that you might somehow find deep peace within...

❤️ ❤️