[Hope101]

I have just started batteling mild depression for 7 months and i feel like it has taken a toll on my relationship. I feel more down because of it, i feel like I am bringing her down and she will find some other guy who is more happu than me. How can I save my relationship. I want to marry her but I wont until i feel better. Thank you for all future replies

[Skeezyks]

Hello Hope101: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Yes... I can see where your concern is real. Depression can take a heavy toll on a relationship. And where you're not yet legally a couple (i.e. married) it does make it less painful for your gf to simply move on if your depression gets to be too much for her. I do believe that the people in our lives can only take so much. And so it is up to us, as individuals who struggle with mental health problems, to figure out some way to not be continuously pushing up against our loved ones' & friends' limits.

You don't mention, in your post, if you're seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist, or if you're on antidepressants. These are typically the "bottom-line" mental health services people try. Unfortunately, from my perspective, there are a limited number of basic options. There's therapy of various sorts (individual, CBT, DBT, etc.) There are antidepressants. And a few other things... some of them yet unproven. (Most of these are, however, accessed through mental health professionals.)

I obviously don't know what the state of your relationship with your gf is at the present time... how long you've been together... how committed to each other the two of you are, that sort of thing. One of the most important things I think is communication. Are you & your gf actively talking to one another about what's going on with you... how you're feeling & what you're doing to address your depression... how she's feeling about the situation? Do you feel able to do that? This doesn't necessarily come naturally. (It hasn't in my marriage.) But it's really important. And, if it doesn't come naturally, then perhaps the two of you might consider some couples counseling, if your gf is willing.

The Skeezyks has struggled with a lot of depression & anxiety over the years. At various times I've taken antidepressants. And I've tried a few therapists here-&-there to no avail. So at this point I have turned to the practice of "self-help" sorts of techniques taught in the Buddhist tradition. That is my "solution", so to speak, to my ongoing mental health struggles. Each one of us has to find what works for him or her. Often it can take a while.

On a more practical level, one thing I think that is important in a romantic relationship is to try to find little things to do for your partner regularly. These don't need to be (actually shouldn't be) big deals. My wife likes curly potato chips. I once gave her one wrapped in aluminum foil & tied with a red ribbon! Does your gf like to have her feet rubbed... her hair combed? Pay attention to the little things she likes & just try to "sprinkle" them in now-&-again on a regular basis. Don't overwhelm her with them. Just a few here-&-there as the days go by.

These are my thoughts with regard to your post. I wish you both well...

[Fuzzybear]

[Fizzyo]