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#1
Aug 11, 2016, 01:27 AM
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*Trigger*So, I just found out some news. Nothing's for certain but my doctor wants me to go for a PET scan and an MRI. There's a possibility that my cancer's relapsed. There's also a possibility that it's reached my brain. Again, nothing's for certain. Could be meningitis, mono, lymphedema, some weird virus I've never hear of, who knows. I could just be really sick. If it is back, I've fought it and won once, right? I could do it again.
If I can't, though; what does it all mean? What was the point of fighting for so damn long through so much of my life? What did I actually accomplish? Was it all to make me strong enough to do what I did the last time I had it? To make everything seem okay, never freak out, make a joke of it and encourage everyone else so that they wouldn't get lost in it all? I don't know if I can do that again. If it is back, will I even fight it this time? What's the point? I was told that if it ever came back then we'd just be buying time instead of hopefully curing it because if it comes back, there's a huge chance that it's straight to my brain and/or spreading to stage four. Melanoma at stage four has never been cured and the longest someones lives post-diagnosed is maybe five years if they're doing treatment the entire time. I don't want to live that way, never again. It was worse than actually being sick. I'm depressed about this news but I don't know if this is the right forum for this rant.... Why did I fight just to die too young to ever make a real difference? Why do I fight just to be put under and forgotten? Last edited by MtnTime2896; Aug 11, 2016 at 01:28 AM. Reason: Could trigger (I don't know) |
 CognitoSchiz1989, PsychNitrous, Skeezyks, starryprince
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#2
Aug 11, 2016, 02:43 PM
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Hello Só leigheas: The Skeezyks sends warm hugs with the hope that all will be well...
  
__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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#3
Aug 11, 2016, 03:00 PM
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Sending prayers and hugs your way!!
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
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Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
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#4
Aug 11, 2016, 03:25 PM
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I am so sorry this is happening to you. Honestly I cannot sympathize. I would say try your hardest to push it to the back of your mind until you get the results. Otherwise it will literally eat you alive and make depression even worse.
Try to distract yourself by reading, exercising, helping others, and I would strongly suggest therapy no matter what the result so you can work through those issues. Gentle hugs your way.
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"One day you'll find yourself looking from a mountain top in every direction; wondering how your dreams and soul could grow so incredibly high." --Reed Waddle |
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#5
Aug 11, 2016, 11:38 PM
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You might be interested in watching this - there is a lot of new science, truth and hope:
Sending positive thoughts your way. |
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