[Blonde_redhead]

Hi everyone,

I just joined the forum today because I can feel myself falling into a spiral. I'm really hoping that I can connect with some people who can understand what I'm feeling, get some help and hopefully help others

I just moved to Berlin from the US to be with my partner (It's a long story, but he was deported from the US- not a criminal in anyway btw- and he now can't re-enter, even if we get married, for at least 5 years).

It's been a hard transition. At first I was extremely excited, but I've slowly become more and more isolated. Mostly it's because I've made no friends. I've been reaching out to many of the women I've met to get coffee or have dinner, but not a single person has said yes! It's the strangest thing, I don't know what it could be except that perhaps I dress differently than most Germans/internationals. I'm a fun loving person and a loyal friend, and yet...not a single connection in almost 3 months.

I am a musician, and I came here with the hope of completing my new electronic album. I was so excited by Berlin, and its music scene...and yet, I can't write. My confidence is dissolved. I spend each day just starring at the computer and it's maddening. Time passes by and I feel stuck.

And so the depression sets in. I've dealt with bouts of this my entire life, but now it feels very severe. It never lifts. I find myself thinking horrible thoughts, self-hatred, shame, and guilt. Getting dressed takes over an hour because I'm convinced everything looks horrible on me. I fight the urge to sleep all day, or numb myself with TV.

I would love to go back into therapy. The problem is my new German health insurence is VERY minimal and does not cover it, and I have almost no income right now. I still have some close friends back at home who are there for me, but with the time difference it's been very hard to talk. I'm also trying hard to not put the full weight of this on my partner. Of course he is there for me, and is doing an amazing job of empowering me/not enabling my unhealthy habits. However, I don't want to over burden him.

Basically I just need someone to talk to! And geez a night out dancing would be nice too, but I'm not gonna get too greedy.

Much Love and thank you for reading.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Blonde_redhead: Since this is your first post, here on PC, welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Blonde_redhead]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello Blonde_redhead: Since this is your first post, here on PC, welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Thanks for writing back