[Eamgr]

I could be wrong but I believe that years of bullying while at school is still affecting me now.

Time is a great healer they say, I struggled too form close freindships in the first year once I left school. I struggled in my first stint at college.

After a year during which I had a job I returned too college and did the same course achieving the highest possible grade and winning two awards.

However even during that period forming close friendships was difficult and I would back out of social events using the best excuse I could think of. Recently however I have become more social and although only with a few people I do now have close friends. I still avoid social events or even just going out to the pub if there are not many people there that I feel comftable with. I also avoid joining in with conversations, waiting for someone to speak to me first.

Sometimes I dream about school and wake up panicking and am unable too fall back asleep. Whenever I see anyone from school who had bullied me I immediately get ready for a confrontation although there has been none.

I have anxiety and depression which is causing me doubt and this has sometimes affected me socially aswell. I sometimes feel that what happened at school is what has bought on my depression and anxiety.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Eamgr

I believe that years of bullying while at school is still affecting me now. ... I sometimes feel that what happened at school is what has bought on my depression and anxiety.

This is reasonable, particularly in that the bullying/abuse went on for years.

How are you caring for yourself? (Reply optional, of course.)

[Skeezyks]

Hello Eamgr: Oh yes... there is apparently research I've read about that suggests childhood bullying continues to affect a person well into adulthood. In fact, I read one article (I don't recall where) that said being bullied by one's peers during childhood is more damaging than being abused by one's family members. I don't know about that one in particular. But you get the idea.

I was bullied both verbally & physically throughout out junior & senior high school by a gang of older, physically larger boys. The circumstances were such that I could not escape. Everyone, including my parents, knew what was going on. But no one helped. At one point, one of them beat me up breaking my nose. I got blamed for it.

I'm 68 now. I don't know if these experiences caused all of the mental health problems I've had over the years. But they certainly didn't help. At this point in my life I live as solitary a lifestyle as is possible. I simply want nothing to do with anyone, in real life, any more than is necessary. I'm glad you are finding some degree of success in becoming more social & gaining some close friends. I wish you well...

[Yours_Truly]

I understand how you feel. I was verbally bullied throughout my school years. There wasn't all the talk back then that there is today about it. I don't know if that would have helped or not. I called it 'being teased'. It was always about the same thing concerning my physical appearance. I know it deeply affected me. So much of our social life as children is school. It colored my whole world.

[Eamgr]

Originally Posted by Rohag

This is reasonable, particularly in that the bullying/abuse went on for years.

How are you caring for yourself? (Reply optional, of course.)

Not really caring for myself tbh. Had to come off anti-depressants and can't seem to ever get hold of the counsellors. So nothing really.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Eamgr

Not really caring for myself tbh. Had to come off anti-depressants and can't seem to ever get hold of the counsellors. So nothing really.

Well, you are visiting PC. You might find insights in the Survivors of Abuse and PTSD forums, as well as here and other places.

Did the antidepressants help you? Have the counsellors helped you?

[Eamgr]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Well, you are visiting PC. You might find insights in the Survivors of Abuse and PTSD forums, as well as here and other places.

Did the antidepressants help you? Have the counsellors helped you?

The antidepressants were helping but I had to come off them as they were making me ill. I keep having problems getting in touch with the counsellors and struggle getting on the phone to people sometimes. When they did awnser a few weeks back I put the phone down even though I rang them.

[Sula B]

Hi, I can relate. I am biracial (before that was as common as it is now) and got called horrid racist names my whole childhood. To make matters worse my parents somehow found a way to drag me all over the world during my early teens to be called every racist name there is in the world. On the lighter side I never got a called a 'whitey' until after my 40th birthday - the only name I had never yet been called - and it took Australian Aboriginal racism to do that!!!! It definitely effected my sense of self and worth and where I belong.

I am sorry that you have experienced this type of bullying as how we look (in so many different ways) is so far beyond our control and frankly looking back, I am glad that I was so unique that it clearly threatened people but that's just part of my warped sense of humour.

The best advice I can give you is that there are better people around - not many - but they are there and the truth is that you will only truly have a very few real friends throughout the course of your life. That's not to say that you can't socialise and have fun but when it comes to true friends they are few and far between and the trick is to identify when you've actually found one and nurture and hold that friendship dear. I myself have only really had 2 real friends and I did not meet either of them until 40 years of age once I had well and truly accepted my state of depression.

You can still live and go on each day and there are still social times and enjoyment even after a diagnosis of depression.

I wish you all the best.

[Eamgr]

Originally Posted by Sula B

Hi, I can relate. I am biracial (before that was as common as it is now) and got called horrid racist names my whole childhood. To make matters worse my parents somehow found a way to drag me all over the world during my early teens to be called every racist name there is in the world. On the lighter side I never got a called a 'whitey' until after my 40th birthday - the only name I had never yet been called - and it took Australian Aboriginal racism to do that!!!! It definitely effected my sense of self and worth and where I belong.

I am sorry that you have experienced this type of bullying as how we look (in so many different ways) is so far beyond our control and frankly looking back, I am glad that I was so unique that it clearly threatened people but that's just part of my warped sense of humour.

The best advice I can give you is that there are better people around - not many - but they are there and the truth is that you will only truly have a very few real friends throughout the course of your life. That's not to say that you can't socialise and have fun but when it comes to true friends they are few and far between and the trick is to identify when you've actually found one and nurture and hold that friendship dear. I myself have only really had 2 real friends and I did not meet either of them until 40 years of age once I had well and truly accepted my state of depression.

You can still live and go on each day and there are still social times and enjoyment even after a diagnosis of depression.

I wish you all the best.

I'm sorry too hear about the racial bullying you received. It's totally unacceptable as is all bullying. People say you can't bully someone for certain reasons such as ethnic origins, religious beliefs, medical conditions or disabilities including learning difficulties. Unfortunately this isn't the case as bullying doesn't have any rules.

I was suprised to discover so many friends I have had suffered bullying, some don't know the reason why. In my case they made it clear why they bullied me.

Although in truth it don't make any difference in terms of reasons for bullying sometimes it makes it harder when you get bullied for reasons beyond your control as in my case due to a medical condition or in your case your ethnic origins/Skin colour.

It makes socialising difficult sometimes and I don't feel comftable around people I don't know well. Also only the few friends I trust know about my Epikepsy or some people who also have been bullied. Apart from managers at work people only find out if I have a seizure in front of them. Doctors and family say I need to tell people or have an identification card or bracelet but I don't trust people enough not to make fun of me.

Thank you for your advice and it's good to know that there are other people out there who understand.

Originally Posted by Eamgr

I could be wrong but I believe that years of bullying while at school is still affecting me now....

Sometimes I dream about school and wake up panicking and am unable too fall back asleep. Whenever I see anyone from school who had bullied me I immediately get ready for a confrontation although there has been none.

I have anxiety and depression which is causing me doubt and this has sometimes affected me socially aswell. I sometimes feel that what happened at school is what has bought on my depression and anxiety.

This is a reation to a memory of trauma. One need not have been in combat or lifethreatening situations to have some PTSD.

[Eamgr]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

This is a reation to a memory of trauma. One need not have been in combat or lifethreatening situations to have some PTSD.

Hi

That's something else I'm concerned about. I took the quiz on here and the outcome suggested some degree of PTSD.

The problem is so many mental illness share the same symptoms. I have been diagnosed as having anxiety and depression. This causes insomnia, problems with eating, paranoia and so on. But so do so many other emotional or meant all illness. It's difficult to really understand what's the cause but I believe bullying when I was young is definitely played a part in my issues now. I think however my anxiety and depression have enhanced those problems.