[Catlady30]

I don't know if I am going crazy or what have you. For months, I was vomiting from stress from a job that wasn't quite the right fit for me. I wasn't sleeping either during that time very well. When I lost the job, the vomiting stopped. But I have severe IBS which makes me wake up every morning at the crack of dawn. I have a gastro appt in the next week I have waited months for. I don't know if there is something seriously wrong with my digestive track and now I have been mentally compromised. I feel weak, annoyed with food, and the only crap I can eat is non hormone meats, rice, beans, fruits, veggies. This is quite fn expensive which is causing me loads of stress too.
Besides that, I have noticed for 4 years now I have a major problem completing any fn thing I start. I use to do creative things, and seriously I wouldl not stop moving during the day. I would clean, play vgames for just a bit, then find something creative, or go for a walk. Then one day, I became a hermit because of a job loss. I never left the apt. At first, when it happened I was okay but it hit me, What do I do for money? Then I used credit cards to get by and student loans. Terrible.
I graduated, and scored the last job I had but like I said I was puking over the stress. The people hated me and I knew it. I did not have their same interests but I tried to get along with them. They knew I wasn't from a middle class background though. I got terminated two months ago and cannot seem to cope with this. I have been on a downward spiral now. I cannot find a psychiatrist who does not take months to see. I have set up a PCP who is very good at communicating with me and is a sweetheart. She helped me get on Sertraline but I am struggling with side effects. I feel in a better mood, stable wise, but overall my sex drive is fn gone, appetite sucks, and I feel it has helped but there are drawbacks too.
My boyfriend doesn't want me on medication, and I havent openly told him I am on anything. I think he would cause me stress. For some reason my family thinks depression can be cured by picking up your bootstraps. I don't fn get this. My family went through all this at my age, and they seem to have forgotten how difficult this is. I do not feel like my mood can simply be lightened up by self talk. I feel this imbalance.
I also quit my birth control two months ago for the first time in 14 years. And I have noticed I went crazy afterwards but on it, my depression got soooo bad I was not well. Even worse maybe as far as stupid intrusive thoughts.
I am wondering if anyone else out there is being told depression can just be cured by self talk and it is all in their head? I feel the worst feeling in this situation is feeling like my family and support network is sort of blaming me for this messed up imbalance? I am having nightmares about my family never speaking to me again? My mother has not called me back in days now which is really seriously not like her. I feel forgotten and like a one girl army. It helps people are out there on here I can talk to. Thank you.

[MickeyCheeky]

It's not your fault and it's not in your head - depression is a serious issue that can, luckily, be treated. Don't trust of anyone that tells you the opposite.
And you can share your feeling anytime you want - someone is always going to listen, here.

[little turtle]

hugs....you are a real human being with depression...you can be helped...you will recover....you are dealing with something very real...be sure everything is ok physically..
and talk with a therapist that you trust...this support forum can be helpful...we know what you are talking about....

[Fuzzybear]

[shadow2000]

Hello, and welcome to Psych Central.

Thank you for coming here to write about your experiences with depression and anxiety and to seek support. I hope that you'll find your experiences on these forums to be positive and that you'll also find the feedback and supportive messages here to be helpful.

I can, unfortunately, identify with having been on the receiving end of some of the statements that those in your family and support network have made to you. Even though I'd say that positive self-talk is one tool that some with depressive illnesses might find to be helpful up to a point, I basically don't see positive self-talk as being a cure for depressive illness, and I also think that positive self-talk would likely only be so beneficial in helping to alleviate certain depressive symptoms. When those of us with depressive illnesses experience symptoms that are likely to be due to factors other than those that are simply "all in our heads" and are basically told by those closest to us that what we're trying to convey to others about what we're experiencing isn't true, that can be very hurtful. Not being believed by those who are closest to us can lead us to feel very alone, but I don't think it's the case that we're truly alone. I do think that support can be found from others who can see and acknowledge that the experiences that we have with depressive illnesses are valid, and I encourage you to continue to seek out such support, whether it's in a more virtual setting like this or in a place close to where you live where you can have face-to-face interactions with others.

One thing that you might want to consider (and keep in mind that this is just a suggestion that you don't need to act upon if you don't find it to be helpful) is talking to your PCP about whether getting your vitamin D level tested might be a good idea. I'm not saying that supplementing with vitamin D is something that will unquestionably be helpful in your case or that vitamin D supplementation would likely be the only treatment approach you'd want to use if your level of the vitamin is indeed low, but there are a few reasons why I think that talking to your PCP about this test might be a good idea. For one thing, there is some good evidence to suggest that low vitamin D levels are correlated with depressive illness, even though my understanding is that it hasn't been established whether or not having a low vitamin D level actually causes depressive illness. Another thing is that sunlight is generally our greatest source of vitamin D (even though we can also get it from our diets and through supplementation). You mentioned that you didn't leave your apartment much for a period following a job loss, and even if it's the case that getting less sunlight than what you had probably been getting before that point isn't a factor in your depressive illness, that might have caused your vitamin D level to drop, which could increase your risk of developing other health problems. It's my understanding that, for instance, there's some evidence that having a low vitamin D level might increase the risk of having IBS (which I know is something that you said you have) and that discontinuing estrogen-based birth-control pills can also affect vitamin D levels. So altogether, I'd definitely have to say that when taking all of the factors that have been mentioned (possible relationships between vitamin D levels and depression, IBS, and birth control, and also the fact that you wrote about having spent a lot of time in your apartment after you lost a job) into account, talking to your PCP about the possibility of getting your vitamin D level tested is something that I think would make sense. Again, I'm not saying that increasing your intake of vitamin D is something that would necessarily cure your depressive illness if your level of the vitamin is low or that you'll necessarily even find increasing your level of the vitamin to be helpful. And it might be the case that you won't, for whatever reason, think that talking to your PCP about getting your vitamin D level checked would be a good idea. But looking into the possibility of getting your vitamin D level checked is something that I wanted to suggest, in case you might find the idea to be helpful.

At any rate, I hope that you've found at least some of what I've written here to be helpful, and I hope that you'll also continue to participate here on the Psych Central forums and that you'll find the interactions that you'll have with the members here to be beneficial. I wish you luck in finding health and happiness as you move forward.