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#1
Oct 03, 2016, 07:19 PM
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*Trigger Warning*
It's thin, it's still stretching and growing thinner and thinner, slowly turning into a tiny thread. When it finally breaks, it won't just be a trip to the hospital, take some medicinal skittles and be on my merry way. Not this time. When it finally breaks, I'm done. I'm not just disappearing from my life, I'm disappearing from life all together. I'm trying to hang on until that very last moment. After all "If you're going through hell, keep going." -Churchill. That moment's all I can focus on now, though. I don't think I can keep fighting any longer. Why keep going if it will never get better? I've hoped before and decided not to go through with it. Hope has just let me down. I just need the relief of not having to hang onto that damn string anymore. |
 *Laurie*, Aardwolf, anon12516, Anonymous37954, Fuzzybear, Humpty Dumpty, mindwrench, Onward2wards, Yours_Truly
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 t0rtureds0ul
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#2
Oct 03, 2016, 10:29 PM
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  I know it can be hard. I admire you for hanging on this long.
__________________
It's only paranoia until it happens. Why I don't trust doctors Things You Wish People Understood About Depression I mean what I say & I say what I mean. |
| MtnTime2896
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#3
Oct 04, 2016, 02:41 AM
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#4
Oct 04, 2016, 04:27 AM
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I'm sorry everything is so d*** hard and painful. You tried to get help yesterday but the doctor didn't let you be in charge of your recovery so I understand why it didn't work for you. I wish I could make it go away. I think that deep down, it is fear that drives hope away. It can be there in your subconscious and we resort to all kinds of things to distract ourselves from it. I know I always tell you what works for me and it may not work for others. My only advice for today is: don't react, find a distraction other than SI and SH (sex, food, sleep, exercise?). I know it's easier said than done.
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| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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#5
Oct 04, 2016, 11:34 AM
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I understand.
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| MtnTime2896
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#6
Oct 04, 2016, 03:06 PM
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Sorry to hear you're going through Hell.
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| MtnTime2896
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#7
Oct 04, 2016, 04:46 PM
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Thanks guys. It does help having you in my corner, even if it's in the form of cyber space.
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| Aardwolf
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#8
Oct 04, 2016, 04:53 PM
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Lets make it a corner full of safety then... So you've always got somewhere to come and feel safe !
 On a serious note. It's good that you are reaching out for help, it shows you have not given up. I couldn't reply earlier as I've been mobile at work all day so I'm relieved to see your most recent post. Keep hanging on there. I'll lower you an anchor chain - That won't break !
__________________
"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing" |
| MtnTime2896
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#9
Oct 04, 2016, 05:11 PM
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Thank you ACQPL. It does feel safe here. I just need to figure out a way to get this stuff under control. I get so down but can't tell anyone I know. My fiance can know, but I don't like to worry him. Lord knows I can't tell my family, they have so many of their own problems and always come to me about them. I'm basically the family/friend counselor. I don't think they see how tired I am. I just don't want to hurt anymore.
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#10
Oct 04, 2016, 05:26 PM
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It always feels isolating when your close family and friends are not people you feel you can turn to.
It may be beneficial, if difficult, to set limits to what people can come to you with. After all you have your own limits, which clearly you have come close to recently. As you say, they may not realise just how exhausted you are, and need it pointing out to them ! I know its painful fighting all the time, it's horrible being in your own mind when it's against you. Hopefully a different perspective may help given enough time ?
__________________
"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing" |
| MtnTime2896
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#11
Oct 04, 2016, 05:32 PM
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#12
Oct 04, 2016, 08:10 PM
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I've been feeling much the same lately, but I keep getting fed up with it and fighting back. Every problem has a solution - we just have to find ours. I wish you all the best.
What's been dragging me down lately is focusing completely on what's wrong, instead of setting goals for what I want to go right and keeping my mind firmly on how to achieve that. Fear has a nasty habit of yelling. |
| MtnTime2896
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#13
Oct 04, 2016, 08:24 PM
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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