I feel worthless

I'm getting really fed up with feeling so useless all the time. I wonder why I even bother? I feel like there's no point in trying.....it's not like it makes a difference anyway. I went from being the smart one that knew at the very least I had good book skills, to now feeling stupid and pointless all the time. My head just won't do what I want it to. I think 8,000 things at once and it all gets jumbled up in my brain and ends up making me sound like a complete fool. My only friend no longer trusts me to be able to do much of anything, but I don't really trust me either. I can't blame her. Half the time I can't' even say a full sentence correctly, since by the time I'm saying it my head has moved on to a different topic. I get too anxious to do anything else that I should be able to do. I don't see how I have any worth at the moment. I'm not contributing anything to the world, just existing day by day without any purpose.

"To have a purpose, you have to find it. To find it, you have to search. To search, you have to exist. To exist, you have to find a way to keep fighting."

You're not stupid. You're just not who you used to be. You have an illness and you have to find a way to effectively treat that illness.

Hello KAddict: I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I have often felt the way you do. So I can relate. I was struck by your statement that you can't even complete a full sentence correctly since by the time you're saying it your head has already moved on.

I'm an older person. But many years ago now, when I was in college, I recall (rather vaguely at this point) that I was in a class where there was supposed to be a lot of discussion. At the end of the session we went around the circle & each student was supposed to say something about how s/he thought the class had gone... or something like that. Anyway, I guess I had not said much during the course of the class & I guess the teacher must have asked me why. I recall that I said something to the effect that I didn't like to talk because before I could complete a sentence I would have already thought of several reason why what I was going to say was not correct... or not accurate... I remember she gave me a funny look! (Afterward I was sorry I said it.)

I know how difficult it can be when you feel so unable to accomplish the things you want to accomplish. That has been kind-of the story of my life. So I send warm hugs your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within.

This certainly resonates with me.

Any chance you could meet with a medical/family doctor and present your symptoms to them?

Yeah, completely scatterbrained. Can't concentrate; I'll reach the end of a paragraph and forgotten the first sentence and must re-read it (and still not get it sometimes).

I try to remind myself that "no man is an island." The central premise of It's A Wonderful Life. Schmaltzy though the movie may be, it's nonetheless true that our mere existence has ripple effects which affect not only our kin, but even society at large in ways we can never know. That if we were to subtract ourselves from the world of the living, that too would cause vast ripple effects, but in the negative direction.

And so, while merely hanging on by my fingernails feels in the moment like I'm doing nothing but taking up oxygen and other resources that could be put to better use by others, the truth is that merely hanging on has a purpose in itself, and a very important one - namely, it minimizes the total amount of suffering in the world. It also keeps me from foreclosing on the possibility that I might someday improve and actually feel productive once again. Doesn't seem bloody likely to me right now, but evidence shows there's a fair probability of that happening.

Or so my frontal lobe reminds me. When it gets bad the rest of my brain scoffs at mere reason. Anyway, I don't know precisely what you're feeling, but I'm very familiar with the feeling of purposelessness. I suspect the same is true of most of us here. All I can offer in the end is

Unfortunately my family doesn't realize how I feel. I'm still a minor, and every time I try to tell them they just think that I'm trying to make them feel like a bad parent. There's no way they would take me to see anyone, so unfortunately I think I might have to wait at least another year till I'm a legal adult.

It may seem small, but it's not. That means a lot to me

Thank you