Feeling better but not really.

I'm not quite sure how to explain this but I will give it my best shot.

About two months ago my Pdoc increased my meds and it seems to be working. Compared to how I felt earlier in the year I feel much much better. The issue is, nothing in my life has really changed. My core issues which I am working on with my T are still very much a work in progress. I guess I kind of feel as though this "happiness" or I just lack of depression is artificial. I don't feel like myself. It is as though my depression had become part of my identity and I've lost part of who I am.

The other thing is, I can't seem to cry. I've never cried in front of my T and I want to get to a point where I feel comfortable enough to do that but now even when talking about something upsetting I can't seem to really feel it let alone cry. I don't like this feeling at all but I also don't want to feel as bad as I was before. Somewhere in between would be nice. I don't feel completely emotionally blunted; I think I can feel other emotions just not sadness.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about here? If you do, what did you do about it? I don't see my Pdoc until mid November so I'm not sure if I should contact her earlier to sort this out.

Well... feeling better and improving your life are two different things, after all... you can start to feel better, but still have to re-organize your life... after all, it's just two months right?

About the crying thing... did you start to feel like this when you increased your medications or you've always felt like this? If it's the first, it may be a side effect or something... and maybe you should talk about it with your doc. If it's the second one... well, maybe you're just like that Everyone is different.

I'd suggest to contact your Pdoc if you can Maybe he'll be able to explain this... better than me, that's for sure

I haven't really cried in years. It just seemed to go away. I've had plenty to cry about but no real tears. I don't think it's normal but I don't think it's abnormal either. Just something that happened.

If you're still working on issues in therapy it's probably going to take a while. Meds do lift you up, but they only go so far.

That's how I felt when I was on meds. They basically made me zoned out so I didn't feel anything. This is very common with these meds.

I went off the meds after 13+ years due to nasty side-effects and started using amino acids and the mineral supplement lithium orotate to control my bipolar 2. I was absolutely amazed at how much better I felt, especially from the amino acid DLPA that puts dopamine in your brain. So long as I take that, life has meaning which it didn't when I was on meds.

The thing you need to understand is the meds don't give your brain what it needs to produce fresh neurotransmitters so it can function properly. All antidepressants do is keep what you have from being reabsorbed as it's supposed to be as new are produced. After time you end up with so little serotonin or norepinephrine that the med stops working. When you give your brain the proper nutrients needed to produce fresh neurotransmitters, you start to feel the way you're supposed to which is happy and contented with life having purpose.

Here are some resources to check out:

This is the largest alternative mental health site for treating mental health issues without drugs:

Alternative Mental Health

This is a brain function questionnaire that will show you what neurotransmitters contribute to what feelings:

http://drjolee.com/Brain-Function-Questionnaire.pdf

This is a great book on using amino acids for a variety of issues including depression and anxiety:

Heal with Amino Acids and Nutrients book | Dr. Billie Sahley-painstress

Thank you all for your replies, they've been very helpful!

This no crying/sadness thing is new for me and only seemed to start after my meds were increased. Something I have also been considering is that this is actually how "normal" people feel (i.e. not getting upset/crying at the drop of a hat) and I'm just not used to it yet. Depression is familiar to me and in my comfort zone and even though it is unpleasant it is how I'm used to experiencing life. As I said before, it is not like I am completely emotionally numb; I am able to feel excited and motivated about things which is how I know I am feeling better.

The other thing is, the last time I came off my meds (due to bad side effects) it did not go well. My depression got way worse and I was have suicidal thoughts. That's why I found a Pdoc and went on the meds I'm on now. I think I will talk to my T about this and see if she has some suggestions on how to get back in touch with my emotions.

Hi retro chick yes u were buildind a tolerance so the increase helped your body feel better. I believe the only cure for depression is to have a circle of friends family and co-workers who are encouragers, kind, speak of nice things about u and the u will seea diffrence. eyesclosed
there is no medicine that can reach into your soul

I just watched "My Girl". Turns out I can still cry haha.