welp

push everyone but a few people away: check

overshare with those few people and make an *** out of myself: check

realize they've reached their limit with how much ******** they can take of me: check


just keep my mouth shut for the rest of my life: ______



wish me luck.

^^^lol^^^ Well, you don't have to keep your "mouth" shut here.

Bluhhh. My depression has anxiety tagging behind it on it's coattails, along with years of faulty negative thinking patterns and a good bit of self pity I guess.

Trouble is when I'm deep enough I don't even see the point to try and change the negative thought. Because it's true?????

Negative thought that I'm trying not to express to online friends and family; I'm a horrible writer and everything I do is annoying. I'm a failure at everything I try and nobody cares anyway.

Bears do not need to keep their mouths shut

I regret those thoughts are tormenting you, you've been very helpful to me

mmrrrr thank you. I'm wearing my special furry gloves to try and comfort me and help me feel safe.

Also I'm thinking... am I just being selfish? I mean what kind of horrible person does something good for someone and then turns around and expects to be repaid? Isn't that entire opposite of true compassion and generosity????

This is a deep and complex question I'm not really qualified to answer. Maybe it's not so much expecting to be repaid as being surprised and maybe disappointed by people who ... ? I would like to think I would try to help or support those who have supported me... So I suppose people who do the exact opposite of that do sometimes get my hackles up a bit. And I too was wondering if I'm a "selfish" and "horrible" person. But I don't think either of us are.

It helps just to know that someone else out there hears me without judgement. But you're right, it's probably not a question we should think too much about. All my love to you for talking with me today. I feel a little better.