[momx4]

I'm looking for support, encouragement, ideas, or just people to talk to who can relate.

I have been married for 14 years. My husband and I have 4 children (ages 12, 10, 6, and 1). I am a stay-at-home mom.

My husband has been battling with depression for years. He has been on different meds for years, as well. Been seeing a psychologist too, but then we moved to another city so he is currently looking for another. On top of that he has been having major headaches (has seen neurologists, had MRI's, CT scans, etc.) that just make the depression worse.

He naps all the time. If we have an hour before we have to be somewhere, he naps. Snooze is his best friend. He gets home from work and naps. If we absolutely need something done around the house he will do it but has to have beer to keep going.

As you can imagine, his constant sleeping is rough on our family of 6. Resentment builds and builds when I am stuck doing everything.

I am trying everything I can to be supportive, loving, and understanding. Of course, I lose my patience sometimes. Although I must say that I am WAY better at holding it together lately.

He gets these "episodes" where some small spat will totally set him off. He is very defensive. Then he will verbally lash out at me. Tells me to leave him and then basically stonewalls me for days. I apologize even when I feel I did nothing wrong. Many times, he turns to alcohol and is just awful. In the end he always ends up apologizing (after several days) and saying I should find someone else who will take care of me and the kids.

I feel like I am his punching bag (not literally, he has never been physically violent). Things are constantly my fault. He has said some ugly things to me that just stab me in the heart. I try texting him or telling him encouraging things when he is feeling down. I usually just get ignored or made to feel stupid.

I love him with my whole soul. I can't picture my life without him and my kids adore him. I am just lost as to how I can support him.

At this moment he is coming off of one of his medications. His doctor gave him a different one about a week ago and now he is coming off of another. I keep telling myself that it is the depression talking when he is hurtful with his words or cold to me. Even though my head knows that, my heart still breaks and I don't know what to do. I find myself crying here at home when my baby is asleep and I just want to know that there is hope.

[LucyG]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

At some point you need to protect yourself and your children if your husband is abusive when he's drunk. He might be depressed, and I feel bad for him for that, but if he hurts you or your kids, you're going to have to make some serious choices at some point....

Since it sounds like his current meds aren't work, why not look into alternative treatment for depression. I've been using alternative treatment for over 9 years now to control my bipolar 2, after being on meds for 13 year with only marginal success. This is the happiest I've been in decades, and it's because I'm giving my brain the nutrients it needs to produce the neurotransmitters it needs to keep my mood stable. The way I look at mood disorders [and they run in both sides of my family], our brains aren't able to produce the neurotransmitters needed for us to feel normal. I suspect it's a genetic issue so supplementation is needed just as a child with juvenile diabetes needs insulin to function.

Here's some links on the subject:

https://www.integrativepsychiatry.ne...epression.html

Treating Depression Naturally Is Possible ? Clean's The New Black

[Fuzzybear]