I can't do this anymore

Im so tired having to put on a brave face and being told not to be morose and that I'm great when I'm on 'too form'

I appreciate that people don't always know what to say to someone who's battling with depression, or they are scared of saying the wrong thing, but just knowing someone cares would mean the world to me. If a friend of mine is 'sad' (which is what other people see me as) then I would want to see if they are ok and just let them know I'm there for them. I text a "friend" of mine (a good friend, or so I thought) and mentioned briefly that I'd been struggling and she never responded to my text. I also work with her and she hasn't spoken a word to me. She knows I battle with depression and it really hurt me that she obviously doesn't care.

My mum and Dad live down the road from me and I pop into see them most evenings. I don't have a partner and so I tend to confide in them and tell them most things. However, I was talking to them the other day and I could see my mum was getting annoyed. When I asked why, she said that she was tired of going over and over the same things with me and that they are sick of not knowing what I'm going to be like when I come over. It feels like they don't want to be around me unless I'm happy, but surely that's not someone that loves and supports you?? I got really upset, told my parents everything, including that I feel suicidal and my mum got very upset (which was distressing to see) and said that she doesn't know what to do anymore.

Someone recommended a therapist (specialising in Autism) to my mum and so she sent them an email. I saw the email (as she forwarded the email on) to her friend that recommended the therapist and it said that she was at her 'wits end' with the situation and that most 33 year old women are on their own, living their own lives. This cut me like a knife and I felt so unwanted. Out of anyone, your parents should always want to be there, but I just feel like a burden. I already feel like a complete failure but to know that your parents would be happier without all your s**t is hard to hear.

I feel I'm becoming more and more isolated and lonely and if I have nobody to talk to and I have to bottle it all up then I don't think I can carry on

Your parents do care, but that does not guarantee understanding. So even if the remainder of the world might never seem to understand, keep being yourself right here where we do.

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely. Please, remember that we're here for you..