just a rant

Good morning / evening / afternoon wherever you may be located at. It has been a while since I have posted here, and it is just this moment that I just want to write it down and just let it all out. I used to write on a journal, but I am too lazy to write and it is faster to type LOL. Happy Holidays btw. Hope the holidays have and will be good to all of us. Why did I come here? Well, I just want to let out my feelings cause I feel that I am being put down. I do not know if it is just my parents or me over acting or over thinking or being overly sensitive by it, but it still hurts. It has been years since I have baked pastries and sell them. Before, I would sell each year starting 2006 up until 2008. But then I stopped and couldn't seem to get back to selling again. I would bake for my friends and they would always say I should sell them again, but something is holding me back, what, I do not know. Anyway, this year, I sold again and I was baking today for my sister in law. My dad came into the kitchen while baking, and he has this face that is pissed off and sarcastic at the same time which really annoys me.

I was bringing out what I was baking when he came and he told me that the amount of electricity being consumed by my oven (my oven is electric, obviously lol) is a lot more than being consumed by the air-conditioning. I just brushed him off. He asked whose order was I making, and I said it was for sister in law. He just brushed it off too. He was saying something like I would lose financially with the consumption of electricity. I was like, okay. I would never "win" with him. I would never be "good enough" for him. No one is good enough for him even if that someone is like him. I would always say, give him the most genius person in the world, and for him he will still be stupid.

This brings back lots of bad memories, lots of bad feelings, lots of bad thoughts. I really envy those people who have good relationships with their fathers, mothers, siblings. Have you ever had the feeling that no matter how much you are surrounded with people you love, you still feel lonely? I do not know if this is just me and my "wrongness" with thinking this way. My dad may be right and I, as usual, am wrong. I do not know maybe I am overly sensitive when it comes to "work". I don't really know. I just want to vent it out cause I feel good after a while. Anyway, thanks for reading. Comment whatever you wish. I may be wrong, I may be right, but for now I feel my bad thoughts are coming back. Anyhoo.. Happy Holidays once again.

Hello, Jollybutdepressed - happy holidays to you, too!

I'm sorry about your unhappy interaction with your father. I suspect he cannot help being who he is, and you cannot avoid feeling bad for all the memories. I wish for you that the bad feelings will dissipate faster than usual.

Happy holidays to you too.

I didn't have a good relationship with my father, either. He didn't even say he loved me until right before he died, after I said it first. I was never good enough for him.

Sorry that your father can't appreciate your hard work.