[BrownHat22]

Hello everyone,

I'm writing this because my friend mentioned that simply posting your feelings can feel therapeutic, so I just want to take the opportunity to vent a bit. Depression has changed me, as it probably has most of the other users on this forum. I'm not the person I was last May, I believed that I could attain my dreams then. I had a purpose. I felt free, and capable too. Fast forward to today, and I feel the exact opposite. I'm struggling to attain goals in a full week that the me of last year would have been capable of accomplishing in a day or two. My dreams feel so far off, like I'm incapable of attaining them. I feel trapped by my depression, like anything that I do or practice will be unable to pierce this void that has surrounded me. One of the best descriptions for depression that I've heard is that it is not an emotion, rather it is a lack of vitality. A lack of volition and action. I can certainly relate to that. I rarely express emotion, but these days when I do express emotion, it feels artificial. I've become incapable of being genuine, of caring, of showing joy. Instead it feels like I'm wearing a mask that I can't take off. I'm becoming a shell of what I once was. Usually, people find out that they aren't who they once were long after the change has happened, and they get a "wake up call" and realize that they're deep into whatever issue it is that they've gotten in; but I see how I'm changing little by little day by day, and it terrifies me. I'm forced to sit back and watch as the person I was erode into a shell. What scares me most though, is that I still feel myself changing, and I'm worried that whatever vitality I have left will all come crashing down soon. Anyway, those are my thoughts and rants. Thank you for listening.

[souldoubt5]

Vitality I think I remember that,there are some great TED talks on the subject, personally when l can still feel enough to be afraid if I reach out, therapy schedule family self care meds ...Eating and sleep go away for me early on so if I am accountable and have loved ones aware and therapy and self care before any goals, then personally I can avoid the psych ward visits and stabilize it can always get worse, take care of yourself and create a routine around support and you will be OK

[MickeyCheeky]

Depression is ugly..

[BrownHat22]

Originally Posted by souldoubt5

Vitality I think I remember that,there are some great TED talks on the subject, personally when l can still feel enough to be afraid if I reach out, therapy schedule family self care meds ...Eating and sleep go away for me early on so if I am accountable and have loved ones aware and therapy and self care before any goals, then personally I can avoid the psych ward visits and stabilize it can always get worse, take care of yourself and create a routine around support and you will be OK

Thank you. I'm going to be talking with a T on Tuesday and I'll be trying to work out a routine.

First of all, I want you to know that there is nothing to be afraid of.
There are things that happen in life that pull us down from inside. Things that at their moment we wouldn't be able to think they can do such a thing.
I'll give you a personal example, of a close friend I had who would try to "educate" me in a scolding manner. At those moments I wouldn't feel the scolding... until time would pass. He has with time devastated me, and I'm fighting. It's not easy, but I am fighting.
Depression, like other mental illnesses, are a result of us vs the outside world.
There may have been things that happened, even the smallest ones, that together create a strange, gradual feeling of pulling down. Because it can be many small things doing it, you have no idea what is going on.
I know what you're going through is not easy on you, but you're not alone. And again, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Do you see a counselor or a therapist? With time they can, for instance, help you find the things and hidden feelings that put you down, and allow you to understand the feelings and why they make you feel the way you do.

[BrownHat22]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

First of all, I want you to know that there is nothing to be afraid of.
There are things that happen in life that pull us down from inside. Things that at their moment we wouldn't be able to think they can do such a thing.
I'll give you a personal example, of a close friend I had who would try to "educate" me in a scolding manner. At those moments I wouldn't feel the scolding... until time would pass. He has with time devastated me, and I'm fighting. It's not easy, but I am fighting.
Depression, like other mental illnesses, are a result of us vs the outside world.
There may have been things that happened, even the smallest ones, that together create a strange, gradual feeling of pulling down. Because it can be many small things doing it, you have no idea what is going on.
I know what you're going through is not easy on you, but you're not alone. And again, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Do you see a counselor or a therapist? With time they can, for instance, help you find the things and hidden feelings that put you down, and allow you to understand the feelings and why they make you feel the way you do.

I'm going to my first T appointment this Tuesday actually. Right now I'm sort of compiling a list of things that I would like to talk about. Thank you for reminding me that I'm not alone. Sometimes that is easy to forget.

[JustJace2u]

I've been battling with depression for as long as I can remember. My newest 'issue' is now having a diagnosis of Bipolar 2 Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Depression is an ugly beast that tries to beat us down on a daily basis, at least that's how it is for me. I'm trying my best to muddle through, but it's definitely not easy. I was just in the hospital at the end of November/beginning of December because of feeling suicidal. Anyway, after I was discharged I thought I was doing better and was learning to cope with things. Well, here it is a month or so after my discharge and I can feel the thoughts starting again. Thankfully I was able to get an emergency appointment scheduled with my pdoc for Monday afternoon and not have to wait until my next scheduled appointment later this month.