It's hard, especially today. It took me some time to get out of bed, went to exercise although it's hard, went to eat with a close friend, told him what's on my heart recently...
I feel defeated, and unfortunately a victim of close people, even some household family members.
Our family has great emphasis on being kind, but I feel this kind of teaching puts you vulnerable in front of the less kind, loud people, etc...
Also the existential problems, a close friend who scarred me and I don't know what to do to get the pain away from me.
I talked to my therapist about it and he doesn't have much to offer to help on this kind of subject.

I feel it's getting worse, but I want to see a better life.
But something in me makes me want to make other's lives better because of the pain I've been going through. It's hard for me to thrive while people are "left behind" in pain.
I want a heterosexual relationship of support, nurturing and thriving. I want a relationship where we can each other for who we are, not just for what we make each other feel.

Those thoughts are a part of self-discovery, but how long can one discover things about himself when there's a world to grow in? It's one conflict which makes me feel down the way I am now.

I'd love some hugs and support.

Sending hugs your way. I can relate to the fight being difficult. I hope things get better for you soon.

[Fuzzybear]

[guiltier65]

I understand your feelings. Sometimes the fight just seems to be too hard. Keep taking those small steps. Hugs are headed your way.

[MommaD]

The fight IS hard, damn hard. we deserve medals for going through this crap and not giving up! Hang on. Sending good thoughts and encouragement your way

Hear you!

Originally Posted by MommaD

The fight IS hard, damn hard. we deserve medals for going through this crap and not giving up! Hang on. Sending good thoughts and encouragement your way

Yes, medals!

(I mean it. It wasn't a joke).

Thank you guys, hugs back!
As part of the fight I want to find a place with people who have a more open and human heart, so I'll have a much more comfortable place to open mine.
I was thinking volunteering and finding a support group.
I'd love to hear advice on directions I can take.

[MommaD]

Medals! Yes I mean it too! People get medals for bravery in war--well what the Hell are we fighting?? For years, sometimes decades! That kind of courage deserves recognition. So today's MommaD Medal of Valor goes to Vibrating Obsidian!

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by MommaD

The fight IS hard, damn hard. we deserve medals for going through this crap and not giving up! Hang on. Sending good thoughts and encouragement your way

I think we all deserve a gold medal for at least making an effort to live for another day

Hey guys, thanks for the strengthening.
It took me some time to get out of bed today.
But something mysterious happened, I started to become more happily loose. I made humorous noises with my little brother, and I laughted out loud quite allot, I have almost never laughed in such way.

I'm having some minor mood swings lately, but this one was very exceptional. I will keep updating, and hopefully my outburst will give me the energy to further support you all

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Hey guys, thanks for the strengthening.
It took me some time to get out of bed today.
But something mysterious happened, I started to become more happily loose. I made humorous noises with my little brother, and I laughted out loud quite allot, I have almost never laughed in such way.

I'm having some minor mood swings lately, but this one was very exceptional. I will keep updating, and hopefully my outburst will give me the energy to further support you all

Have a great day!

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Hey guys, thanks for the strengthening.
It took me some time to get out of bed today.
But something mysterious happened, I started to become more happily loose. I made humorous noises with my little brother, and I laughted out loud quite allot, I have almost never laughed in such way.

I'm having some minor mood swings lately, but this one was very exceptional. I will keep updating, and hopefully my outburst will give me the energy to further support you all

It is good to hear that you have a good day! Yes, to fight depression is hard as your first post indicated. To feel better is your reward.

I don't know how much time you have to disposition (besides your daily usual plan) when you hopefully become even more well than now, but may be you will benefit from disposing some of your time as a volunteer (doing good for others)? Many people have found out that to focus on helping others take the focus away from themselves, and that becomes some sort of a for selfhelp as well. May be to think about what organization you would like to help in, might be your little motivator to stretch yourself a little bit more, day by day ...

[bornunderabadsign]

Fighting any mental illness is a serious thing. And depression and Anxiety seem to be some of the worse because you don't even want to try to do anything and when you do it is so easy to make mountains out of mole hills. So try and try again until you can climb that mountain.

[MommaD]

Yay! Glad to hear you had a great day! Many more on the way--maybe you're on the upward spiral

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so happy to hear you're doing better

People here are so strong..

[MatBell]

Great you're feeling better