[Matty]

Hi I haven't been able to sleep at all, I want to talk to someone but the only person who I feel comfortable talking with is in bed and I just needed to talk to someone, so I decided to come to a psychology forum..see if people can help me
Basically I've been really depressed for the past few months. Started after I started going out with this girl, and got worse when we broke up. I really loved being with her, but she would never have time for me, and wouldnt let me talk to her at school, claiming that her friends were edgy with her because they accused her of not spending enough time with them. No idea how true it is, but anyway she gave more attention to my apparently good looking best mate than she did me, and then I found out she fancied him so got upset.
We broke up a weird way, she deliberately started treating me really badly, insulting me, constantly asking me what I'd do if she cheated on me, turning up ridiculously late for dates, not responding to me for ages over msn cos she was talking to her ex. And so on. All this was so I would dump her, which I did eventually, and then she set up this weird situation, cos I would agree to anything she said, where I and her ex were sort of her toys, like only for physical gratification but no commitment needed. This ended after a week or so, but then I started behaving really weird, like I went to sit on a bench in an isolated part of town with the intention of sleeping rough that night with just my discman for company but it got cold and I got mugged so went home. Skipped a day of school and once walked out of school during lunchtime, which is completely out of character for me. I've failed a lot of my coursework which I was doing for my GCSE exams. I started self harming and had a failed suicide attempt, trying to slash my wrists but not pressing down anywhere near hard enough.

So I have no idea why I feel so low, cos that was months ago and I should be alright now. I just feel kinda worthless a lot of the time, like I'm doomed to be single forevermore, and that I'm not important to anyone. Been convinced that I'm dog ugly but can't be bothered to take care of my appearance. It just generally sucks.

Also my friends have been commenting about my constantly morbid moods and seeming distant, uncaring, uninvolved about everything, and for some reason I've felt like I can't connect with them anymore, like I've got nothing in common with them, and I find myself making excuses to avoid social events, but then feeling rejected and hurt when I'm not invited.

And I've stopped eating, and today I kept crying in bed for no reason at all, I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me, so just decided to come here. There doesn't seem to be anything I'm upset about in particular.

Please respond asap I need someone to talk to about this.

[SS8282]

Welcome Matty. Glad you found us. The people here are very nice and supportive.

What you've described does sound like depression. Have you spoken with anyone about it? Maybe you can talk to your family doctor and he/she can refer to you a therapist.

You are not alone. Most of the people here have gone (and some still are going) through similar things. The crying, etc. For myself I have depression, and I also hurt myself.

Please keep talking/writing here. That might help. Maybe you will come into chat sometime.

Take care,
SS

[wisewoman]

Matty, sounds like you may be depressed and it would be good for you to seek out a therapist or doctor quickly. Crisis line, emergency room. There is hope and you can feel better, it takes time and effort and it can happen. Start by making calls to doctor, counseling services etc. Good luck.