its over

I'm tired of depression. I'm tired of this constant battle that I keep on fighting. I'm lying to everyone about things, about what I'm doing and how I feel. I'm hiding from my feelings with sleep and avoidance. I do whatever I can to numb the pain, even if only for a few seconds. Meds don't do ****, and the hospital is a joke. And I've got coping skills that I use regularly, both good and bad. Lets cut the crap and be serious. I know that many of you who will read this will not even comment. Those that do will post something to "help me keep going" or tell me you understand. But nobody really gets it. Not in real life and surely not here. People only know what I tell them and nobody knows everything because its never good to keep all your eggs in one basket. If I ever told someone everything they would tell me I am a stupid idiot or a basket case or a monster. But the hiding is hard and I dont think I can keep it up. Its beneficial for everyone if I just run off and leave society alone. Or just stop living. Please don't think I'm trying to die. I just think if it happened it would be a good thing.

Sorry you feel so alone and hopeless. Remember, you're not alone, not really.

Sometimes I think that when we finally come clean about what is bothering us and how we feel, it can help us recover. I know you have been seriously depressed for a very long time. Or maybe keep trying to dig inside to figure it all out (the negative emotions driving you into depresssion). Keep posting/expressing your pain. I think it helps and I hope it helps you at least a little bit.....

I get some of what you're saying but don't know your whole story. I agree that nobody really understands. They say they do but they don't. Lying becomes second nature for some people.

I agree with this. Sorting things out one by one is a gradual way of taking care of ourselves.
Relaxations, meditations, readings... any focus-related activity is great for this gradual process.