Feel like I'm stuck in limbo

I am not really sure what I'm gonna do with my life. I am unsure about my future. I have no great will to keep living, but I don't want to die either because there are people that depend on me. I can't betray them, they need me.

I've been trying to best put into words how I'm feeling everyday, and I think feeling 'stuck' is perhaps the best description.

If you had a loved one or a friend who said "I'm only alive because you need me and I can't betray you, not because I want to live", how would you feel about that?

Hey there Introspectiveme, I saw your post earlier today & wanted to reply but wasn't sure how to put my words together.

I can only say that I think I understand how you feel. At my low points I have realised that it has at times only been the guilt for the affect on those who love, care or depend on me that has stopped me in my darkest moments.

Your feeling of being stuck I think is similar to my feeling that I describe as feeling as though I exist, but I don't feel that I'm actually living the life I have been given. I want to live it. I do.

Because of the way I feel, if someone told me they were only alive because I needed them, I think quite honestly I'd be glad to be someone's reason to live. I would want to help them get beyond that being their only reason if I could, but at any given point that person's life may take an upward turn & for that to happen, they have to be here. I would be honoured to be that person's reason to be here.

Well, I suspect you are going to make and enjoy music, but that's not what you are asking.

Have you had any serious discussion with anyone about your future? I realize that can be difficult when you have only a weak will to live.

I'ld think, "Gee, I'm sorry I'm such a burden."

It wouldn't make me feel warmer to anyone who told me that. I might even feel inclined to say, "Hey, don't do me any favor."

Basically, it comes across as kind of manipulative and not terribly sincere. I'm not accusing you of not meaning what you say. But I don't think you'll evoke much empathy from anyone, saying that.

Also, you have no way of being 100% sure it's true. You don't know for absolute certain what you would do, if whoever depends on you were to suddenly not have to depend on you. You don't know. You have an hypothesis.

I'm sorry you feel so very depressed. A lot of very depressed people think that no one will believe how deep in despair they are, unless they make a convincing argument that they are (or would be) suicidal. I'm not one of those people. I think some of the most profoundly depressed persons are not, necessarily, suicidal. And some people who successfully commit suicide don't necessarily do it mainly because of being deeply depressed. I believe some (not all) have done it mainly out of anger.

If I had someone I liked saying that to me, I would feel sad for the person. And I would do everything I could to help him/she feel good.
If someone really likes you and they knew how you feel they should be supportive and try to help you.
Also I would be thankfull that person at least had a reason to live, even it's not the right reason. I would be thankfull if a person I love had not chosen to die. After that we could start to find and work on the right reasons for she/him to stay alive.

Thank you for replying. I always regret my threads for some reason. one moment im really really depressed and i post something like this. next moment i feel like I'm making people uncomfortable or make myself seem selfish or self centered.

I must admit that it's my family im talking about, they have been supportive, but I've not always been grateful. They love me and miss me when I'm not around but it's like all i care about is being missed by my friends and other people.

Not really. All im surrounded by is negativity. But sometimes i get this urge to prove people wrong.

Thanks for being honest. in one of my darkest moments, i said that to my mother, but i don't know how she felt

I dont feel suicidal at all, somehow i dont think it would help my cause in anyway. Right now i feel like not enough people care about me, and if i died right now , i would get forgotten soon.

Thanks for your reply.

I think i need to be more grateful for what i have right now. There are people who love me but i want love and affection of other people. I wish i could just tell them how much i want them to like me, but i dont know how to do it without sounding needy.

I have been told that. I walked off by myself and sat down in some random place outside. I went back to the house later, found her asleep and covered her with a blanket.

I confess that I still get a numb feeling when I remember it and I just let it fester in my brain. If I feel anything, it's guilt.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way.