[jman197]

I know I've been posting some darkness on here and I know that most of my family thinks I'm doing fine, mostly because I can't seem to tell them that I'm falling apart. I can't let them know that everything is wrong, even though my life is on track for the most part. I can't let them know what's wrong because I don't even know myself. I dont know why I feel like there is no way to escape. I can't even figure out what I'm trying to escape. I just want everything to end and I don't know what needs to end. I just know I'm stuck and I can't believe what people tell me anymore. They tell me things will get better and that I am a good person but I can't believe it. I know that I am falling apart but I have to save face and act like nothing's wrong. I can't just be happy so I fake it. I just want to be happy.

When I worked at some insurance sales jobs (for about 3 years only)--they would always tell us to "fake it until you make it." I think that anyone who has a sales job must act happy at all times during work no matter what is going on in their lives. They would even tell us to smile all the time (even though we were on the phone) because the physical act of smiling will make your voice more cheerful. Sometimes when we "fake it", read/watch positive things, and can find positive people to talk to it can help our depression a bit. Not saying it's easy. Also, maybe you are not telling your family because not everyone understands depression. For instance, once, when I tried to talk to my sister, she exclaimed emotionally, "There is nothing wrong with you!" In every other regard, my sister is a great person to confide in. So maybe there are good reasons for not telling your family. Telling people our problems is totally optional. Now that I have recovered a lot from my depression, I don't feel bad at all about selectively hiding my struggles from certain people. I even think that in regards to my job search, it would be detrimental to speak about any of it.....

[Fizzyo]