[ARflowerstar]

Here's the thing. I feel great. I don't want professionals in my life anymore. No, I'm not being uncooperative, I actually feel like I don't need them. No, this is not a "sudden decision on impulse". This is a well thought out decision.

I feel great. I can fix every problem I have. If I feel even slightly horrible I can talk myself out of it. I can do so many things. I'm doing so much people are surprised I'm not getting overwhelmed because to others i'm just "overworking" right now.

I don't want "special attention" from psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, special education teachers...etc. I can work through everything myself. I'm not being stubborn, I can do this. I can actually do this. I don't need help. I'm not refusing help, I just feel like there's no point in treating a healthy person. They don't need to waste time on me, I'm feeling great. They should help someone who is worse than me. Which, in my opinion, is everyone.

I don't need doctors, I don't need meds. Mentally, I'm great. Probably will be forever. Physically, I can't have a say in that but whatever happens, will happen. If I get cancer? Great. It will be long and hard, and I'll be happy. Why does cancer have to be a bad thing? It would make me stronger.

I feel better than most normal people do. I feel so great. I can't stop saying that because I just do! Is it bad that I can see the good in everything? I see no bad in anything. NOTHING.

There is no such thing as a bad person. No such thing as a coincidence. Everything happens for a reason, and there is no bad in anything. There is no balance, because everything is always good! People in jail? Murderers? They're human. They struggle. I would be their friend. If they hate me? If they hurt me? If they try to rape/kill me? They need help. They don't deserve to be given up on. I love everyone. I'm not trying to "suck up" to everyone in sight. I'm not trying to "please" everyone.

This is just how I feel. About everyone. And Everything.

I'm not kidding, if someone held a gun to my head right now, and threatened to kill me, I wouldn't be scared. There's no reason to be scared! This person holding a gun to my head doesn't know how what the right way to get what he wants is. Obviously this person is "on edge" so I shouldn't be provoking him to shoot people. But in the end, it is his decision to shoot me. Whatever happens, happens.

I don't care what happens. Why worry? If I die, it was meant to happen. I should't be scared. There is no point in fear.

Everyone needs to be saved. Saved from death, saved from hurt.

What is Evil? Evil doesn't exist.

I feel great. I don't see the problem here!

I want to be taken off meds. They don't help me. They limit my capability to be human. I want to save people. People need to be saved. They need to be saved. They need to. They need help. They need. MY help. I have to save them. I have to. Why won't they let me save them? Who cares what happens to me! I'm not suicidal, I don't want to self harm. I don't care if I die, I have to save them. They need to be saved. LET ME SAVE THEM

[Misterpain]

You are young yet , unfortunately some people don't want help or saving ,others ask for help but have no idea what to do with it , and then there are certain people who gave up on themselves along time ago and have run even the most dedicated of people off along time ago , I was young and tried to help everyone I could as a career and as a volunteer and found this out , never got shanked or taken hostage when I volunteered in prison working with inmates on both Alternatives to violence as well as anger management , volunteered as a mediator and as a firefighter not much to report there as a professional Paramedic and Firefighter yup have had dead drug addicts try and beat my face in for ruining there "HI" got shot twice in the line of duty and had some cowards drop a couple of buildings on me ,fortunately for them they are dead because what they did to my brothers & sisters and city full of people has no redemption in this life , I am generally against the death penalty except for extraordinary circumstances but these guys would qualify if alive , the justice system does a terrible job both with prosecution and with rehabilitation and reentry into society, don't get me started with the death penalty itself or the fact that there are many people who have been put to death or on a row somewhere who are innocent of what they got convicted of ( I am not saying they are angels or they may not have done things wrong to others in there life ,however they are truly innocent of the crime the court found them to have committed) our justice system is more smoke and mirrors and wild imagination then it should be ( look into the belief that fingerprints are completely unique, and you will find there is actually very little time or money behind it ,without that there reasonably is no Science,let alone evidence confirming that belief.

Anyone your age feels ten foot tall and bullet proof , trust me when I shatter this by telling you unfortunately you are neither and I have never seen or met you .life experience will give you some depth and wisdom, things that I will say most people don't truly develop until about age 30 ( we all think we have it down to a science and our parents and elders are stupid , some are but most are not ,we don't see this in people until we stop believing we have all the answers) .

You can get the professionals out of your life when you turn 18 if that's your choice and no court of law takes issue with your state of mind ,until then it's up to your parents or guardians and the professionals, who are trying to make the best choices for you until you can do it yourself by reaching the age of majority and consent or before then if you take the issue to court and try and emancipate yourself early , however your past history and the observations of all the adults around you will be taken into consideration as well as used against you if necessary, you may get into a protracted battle with your parents and the doctors on both sides of the issue ,so be prepared for that possibility.

In the meantime stay in school ,pay attention to your studies, and believe me ( you won't but I understand why) it only gets less clear and harder from here , we all are in a hurry to get done with school and drive cars fast and stay out late or up, date the man or woman we fall in "love" with,etc...
When it's really time for you to mature and experience things and do what your told and coast , your younger years are what really builds character and adds dimension to your personality so that later in life you can say those old buzzards weren't kidding about any of it , they were right ? Unless you are independently wealthy by virtue of a trust fund or inventing something ground breaking, you will work for most of your life ,maybe have a job you love in a field that really interests you and everyday is joyous and it never seems like work to you ,or closer to the "norm" were being nice and good to others will sometimes result in a kick in the teeth , your boss is totally consumed with getting rich two days ago and doesn't care who they hurt or why in order to get there, your long hours at work away from friends and family will be rewarded with little money, lousy health insurance if any , and more bills then a duck farm, everything you do or say on the Internet is forever backed up somewhere and can come back to haunt you later,it's also becoming monetized so you have more of those bills to pay for things you used to do for free.

Depression and anxiety are like a dog , they know nor respect age ,sex, status, and will feel free to stick it to you at anytime ,anywhere with or without provocation, so if you have a bunch of Doctors and therapists and professionals looking after you, paying attention and trying to help you now, use that time wisely , mental illness is the leading cause of death and disability and currently only two out every four people have access to the help they need , due to finances or geography or the cutting of budgets ( they will, invent ten ways to kill you ten times over long before anybody asks and cares how are you ? It's become a social norm to ask that of everyone on the street you meet in a day ,few people answer truthfully because even fewer people actually ask and listen to what you reply , and think about it and follow through , they say it's the thought that counts , so why do so many people only have half a thought ?.

Anyway this is my long winded way of saying , everything is not peachy in this world, it's not a perfect utopian society, you may be good and up today and tomorrow find yourself behind the eight ball for days week or years at a time ,use the tools and resources you have available to you now ,to build skiļls and coping resources for later in life ,very few people get a break or do over , life is much like school except it's a big test everyday, and the only pass or fail you get is in living honestly , following a path of heart instead of conveince and respecting your name an honoring those who gave it to you .

PEACE

Misterpain

[ARflowerstar]

Originally Posted by Misterpain

You are young yet , unfortunately some people don't want help or saving ,others ask for help but have no idea what to do with it , and then there are certain people who gave up on themselves along time ago and have run even the most dedicated of people off along time ago , I was young and tried to help everyone I could as a career and as a volunteer and found this out , never got shanked or taken hostage when I volunteered in prison working with inmates on both Alternatives to violence as well as anger management , volunteered as a mediator and as a firefighter not much to report there as a professional Paramedic and Firefighter yup have had dead drug addicts try and beat my face in for ruining there "HI" got shot twice in the line of duty and had some cowards drop a couple of buildings on me ,fortunately for them they are dead because what they did to my brothers & sisters and city full of people has no redemption in this life , I am generally against the death penalty except for extraordinary circumstances but these guys would qualify if alive , the justice system does a terrible job both with prosecution and with rehabilitation and reentry into society, don't get me started with the death penalty itself or the fact that there are many people who have been put to death or on a row somewhere who are innocent of what they got convicted of ( I am not saying they are angels or they may not have done things wrong to others in there life ,however they are truly innocent of the crime the court found them to have committed) our justice system is more smoke and mirrors and wild imagination then it should be ( look into the belief that fingerprints are completely unique, and you will find there is actually very little time or money behind it ,without that there reasonably is no Science,let alone evidence confirming that belief.

Anyone your age feels ten foot tall and bullet proof , trust me when I shatter this by telling you unfortunately you are neither and I have never seen or met you .life experience will give you some depth and wisdom, things that I will say most people don't truly develop until about age 30 ( we all think we have it down to a science and our parents and elders are stupid , some are but most are not ,we don't see this in people until we stop believing we have all the answers) .

You can get the professionals out of your life when you turn 18 if that's your choice and no court of law takes issue with your state of mind ,until then it's up to your parents or guardians and the professionals, who are trying to make the best choices for you until you can do it yourself by reaching the age of majority and consent or before then if you take the issue to court and try and emancipate yourself early , however your past history and the observations of all the adults around you will be taken into consideration as well as used against you if necessary, you may get into a protracted battle with your parents and the doctors on both sides of the issue ,so be prepared for that possibility.

In the meantime stay in school ,pay attention to your studies, and believe me ( you won't but I understand why) it only gets less clear and harder from here , we all are in a hurry to get done with school and drive cars fast and stay out late or up, date the man or woman we fall in "love" with,etc...
When it's really time for you to mature and experience things and do what your told and coast , your younger years are what really builds character and adds dimension to your personality so that later in life you can say those old buzzards weren't kidding about any of it , they were right ? Unless you are independently wealthy by virtue of a trust fund or inventing something ground breaking, you will work for most of your life ,maybe have a job you love in a field that really interests you and everyday is joyous and it never seems like work to you ,or closer to the "norm" were being nice and good to others will sometimes result in a kick in the teeth , your boss is totally consumed with getting rich two days ago and doesn't care who they hurt or why in order to get there, your long hours at work away from friends and family will be rewarded with little money, lousy health insurance if any , and more bills then a duck farm, everything you do or say on the Internet is forever backed up somewhere and can come back to haunt you later,it's also becoming monetized so you have more of those bills to pay for things you used to do for free.

Depression and anxiety are like a dog , they know nor respect age ,sex, status, and will feel free to stick it to you at anytime ,anywhere with or without provocation, so if you have a bunch of Doctors and therapists and professionals looking after you, paying attention and trying to help you now, use that time wisely , mental illness is the leading cause of death and disability and currently only two out every four people have access to the help they need , due to finances or geography or the cutting of budgets ( they will, invent ten ways to kill you ten times over long before anybody asks and cares how are you ? It's become a social norm to ask that of everyone on the street you meet in a day ,few people answer truthfully because even fewer people actually ask and listen to what you reply , and think about it and follow through , they say it's the thought that counts , so why do so many people only have half a thought ?.

Anyway this is my long winded way of saying , everything is not peachy in this world, it's not a perfect utopian society, you may be good and up today and tomorrow find yourself behind the eight ball for days week or years at a time ,use the tools and resources you have available to you now ,to build skiļls and coping resources for later in life ,very few people get a break or do over , life is much like school except it's a big test everyday, and the only pass or fail you get is in living honestly , following a path of heart instead of conveince and respecting your name an honoring those who gave it to you .

PEACE

Misterpain

Thank you so much for the long and thorough, thoughtful reply. I really needed that. It is going to take some time to "burst my bubble" as I still feel like I can "save" or "fix" everyone. But thank you. I felt like I actually learned more about myself reading your reply.

[Misterpain]

You are more then welcome , I enjoy giving people the information that may enable them to reflect on themselves and how this crazy world is, wanting to help or save others is a noble quality ,that is so lacking in many people these days, nobody enjoys what real community feels like , you have many great opportunities to save others coming up through tempering and education in many different ways if that remains a goal and you are able to cultivate it.

You know why you rarely see firemen run ? Even when the building is obviously burning down ? Training and being taught that when the rescuer becomes a victim it only compounds the problem , so as with any helper field keeping that in mind is half the battle.

If I can be of assistance in any way, post or PM me ,I am usually around and free between noon and about 2AM.

PEACE

Misterpain