desperate

It is more than twelve years since i felt this desperate,i really can see no way out except the one we cannot mention. I did a bad thing today i showed my acting skills to the Dr and crisis worker to get rid of them i just felt like i am not worthy of their time ,i am a waste of space and ahopeless case i don't deserve their help.

You are worthy.. we love you here

It's hard to speak to these professionals

Thinking of you

What do you mean by 'acting skills'? You put on a performance? Were you faking it?

Hi cat, Of course you are worth it. I know how you feel, though- I think most people feel awkward about asking medical professionals for help. Thing is, that's their job, that's what they want to do, and that's what they're paid to do...help people ease suffering.

Forgive me if I've asked you this before (my memory is not great)- are you on medication for your depression?

I think we've been "trained" over here (uk) in particular to say were "ok" to the professionals - so even if they are concerned it's hard to be open with them

And if feeling like a waste of space it's even harder to be open with them..

I kinda just made out i was feeling better than i am , did not tell them that i am as unsafe now as when they first started seeing me ,i was actually smiling on the outside while inside i was screaming.

Spot on darling bear❤xxxxx

Why did you do it?

((((((((( crimsoncat ))))))))))

Of course you are deserving of help. Take a lesson from an American. Turn your cute, fluffy little body right around, march right back in there and tell them you feel like shyt and need help!

I meant if they showed you they were "tired of you" and then you told them you are OK? Or this is something else going on?

I can't they came to my house and they have long gone now, it doesn't matter anymore nothing matters

You matter

I often feel the same

I wonder if the "system" over here has an interest in us not feeling worthy or deserving of their help...

Please be safe if you can

No it wasn't really like that ,its just idk ,as soon as they think there is any tiny improvement they make all sorts of assumptions and can't wait to offload you so its just easier to go along with it ,it takes too much energy to constantly have to keep telling them they are wrong and when you are tired and feeling like a nuisance etc you just don't a.fuzzy was right they make you feel like you cant, you had you five mins now sod off they might not actually say it but they don't need to.

They don't need to.. I agree, it's said anyway, sometimes in non verbal communication, or sometimes in things they don't say

And all those assumptions they make ....

5 minutes now sod off - exactly

PS..I guess that some of them do care, it's the "system" which is so broken