[MtnTime2896]

I was supposed to be something. I was supposed to be someone people could be proud of.

Look at me now. In and out of IP on a regular occurrence. Hearing voices in and out of my head that aren't there or my own. Seeing things that aren't actually there. Have such extreme mood shifts, usually landing into a severe depression. I begin searching for ways out that I once swore not to take. When the rest quites down, I lay at the mercy of flashbacks and nightmares. When I'm lucky, I wake up somewhere I have no idea how I got to, and the dissociation allows me sanctuary from memory. Leaves me scared of what I could've done. The trade is costly, after all.

Tonight's depression is bad. The loneliness is over bearing. The despair has made camp for however long and we'll see just what comes next because I truly have no idea.

I was supposed to be something. Someone people could be proud of. Yeah.... Look at me now....

You say tonight. Not having enough rest can really activate our despair and pain. It is not easy when we go through this and because of some of the traumas in your life, you have more nights like this then most. You are successful in many ways. You overcame cancer. Did the right (but a very tough thing to do emotionally) for your nephews. You help your mom and your brother. YOU ARE A SUCCESS!

[MickeyCheeky]

How about this: you are something and someone people could be proud of. You did many good things in your life and you are still fighting despite everything. Almost everything you listed is not your fault. Definitely a winner in my book

[Onward2wards]

Sometimes I can't even open up and speak about things. At least you're managing to reach out. ((( So Leighas ))) That takes courage and trust.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree with the post above - I really struggle even on here to open up and speak about things.
(((( So leigheas ))))

[Hobbit House]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I agree with the post above - I really struggle even on here to open up and speak about things.
(((( So leigheas ))))

I agree... opening up is very difficult, especially for me. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one. I think you do a wonderful job in expressing yourself. Wishing you the best!

[whisperingskye]

Meh. I just wrote a response and lost it...will try to remember everything...

I know it doesn't feel like you have acheived much, but you have survived and that in itself is an accomplishment.

Try not to look at your life and how you feel it should be, just take things a day at a time. I know that's hard, I struggle with it myself. I feel like I've gone backwards, I used to have a lot more than I do now. Hopefully I will get it back one day...or at least some of it.

You have a lot of friends here who care for you regardless of where you are at in life. I for one am proud of you for still being alive.

I plan on being online more (hopefully) as I've been a bit absent lately. So feel free to message me any time for a chat

(((((Só leigheas))))))

[MtnTime2896]

You all mean a lot to me. Thank you.